i am not entirely sure what to call this one. i am open to all feed back.
I knock on men's door and slit there throats in the night
I am the assassin of the night
I hide in the shadows and strangle old men
I am the killer of life
I sleep on the battle fields and rip out mans souls
I am the creator of war
I am feared and hated by all
I am the controller of fate
I am Death, the destroyer of worlds
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hi Dogs!
Pay attention to Macs' review. She pointed out the spelling and punctuation slips that can be improved.
Firstly, I want to say that this is a pretty creative poem. I just don't typically enjoy how it's in such a narrative form. Poems that are strictly "I am, I did this, I want, You want, You are etc" are kind of not the funnest ones to read.
I think you should flesh this out a bit. Add some information to support these claims of yours-- perhaps shadow in an experience of one sort or another.
Also! I wouldn't say that Death is the creator of war, rather the result of war. The creator of war is... hmm, I don't know? Greed? Hatred? Jealousy? Who knows.
I do really like your theme! Nice work, Dogs!
June
okay i will work on it thankyou for your help
Hello there! I'm here to help critique your poem.
As far as it goes, when I first read it, I thought, "Well, that was dull." And it is true. This poem has no purpose, no true background. It's like reading a story that has only one sentence, for example: "I'm a book with no introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, or conclusion."
So anyways, I'll put my remarks in bold, and in brackets.
You don't need all of the spacing. It's annoying, and it hinders completion of the poem. It takes any attention this poem might have obtained away.
I'd give this a rating of... 0.5/5. I'm sorry to say, but since it had no purpose and it didn't evoke any of my emotions I can barely call it a poem. I mean, the style was poem-like, but still... it's very raw and naked. You need to embellish it. And you need to remember your grammar.
Hopefully that helped. I'm sorry if I was harsh.
-Macs
Hey!
Um, I don't think I really got the point/meaning of this poem. As far as I can tell, you're death, and that's about it. What are you trying to tell the reader???
You had a few typos. There should be their. Mans should be men's.
Um, again, I don't think there really is a point or meaning to this. On top of that, it doesn't really flow very well.
Good luck on future pieces!
zOe