those joyful days

by dogs

Published July 3, 2009

In Really Really old poetry

Youth is gone,
that young happy boy,
with his blue eyes gleaming,
and his smile beaming.

Innocents is shattered,
that soft cool breeze,
that peaceful wind
that calming draft

Pain is here,
that evil beast
with its crimson eyes
and its keen claws

Knowledge has arrived,
its labyrinthine mind
and its lust for learning
its greed for more

Age has barged in
its bright green eyes
with its crippling fist
and its deceiving smile

I have grown up
my playing days are over
will i have no fun
what oh what will i do?

TuckEr EllsowrTh

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
bludragon525
Comment
bludragon525 commented Comment · Jul 13, 2009

You're welcome Tucker. If I don't point it out, who will?

And for the millionth time, spell my name right!!!!!!!!

zOe :smt043

User avatar
dogs
Comment
dogs commented Comment · Jul 12, 2009

thankyou kiwalker and praisjoe for the good reviews =D



=P forever zoey :evil:

saily.kiwalkar wrote a review Review · Jul 7, 2009

Hi dogs!
It was a nice and a simple poem. Childhood days are certainly the most beautiful days in one's life.
Apart from the mistakes mentioned, I think that it is 'innocence' and not 'innocents' that you meant in the second paragraph.
Thanks for your reviews. They did help me.

User avatar
praisejoe
Review
praisejoe wrote a review Review · Jul 4, 2009

Hi dogs, if that is your name. LOL. Well i really got the message behind your poem communicated in a simple and appealing style. It was wonderful reading your poem. Your poem brings to mind the feelings that one has when he discovers that Hey! Its no more those childhood days, it's growingup time and the challenges it brings. The only mistakes i saw have been addressed. Take care.

User avatar
bludragon525
Review
bludragon525 wrote a review Review · Jul 3, 2009

Hey!

Cool poem!

Knowledge has arrived,
it's [s] labyrinthine[/s] labyrinth mind


Correct those mistakes. S'il vous plait.

Put your periods after your stanzas please. Also put your commas in.

I have grown up,
my playing days are over,
will I have no fun ?
what, oh what will I do?


Fix those.

And please spell your name right.

Good poem! Keep up the good work!

zOe :D



You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author