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140,509 Literary Works • 673,268 Reviews
Hello there, dogs !!
This is Eros here with a review for this wonderful poem of yours !!
The title captured my heart. I was compelled to read about it. And thus I clicked on the topic and started reading it. When I started reading it, I felt a strong force keeping me attracted to the poem. I loved that feeling. This shows that this poem of yours is successful in keeping the attention of the readers, constantly in your poem.
This is one of the most important criteria that should be there in a poem or in any other stuff, I mean be it a short story, or an article or essay or any novel or anything.
The title was indeed catchy as I have mentioned before. Another trait or characteristic of a good Title is being of proper length. Not too short and not too long. And the title, "Broken Mind" is perfect. It suits the theme of the poem very well.
I observed a uniqueness in the title... I mean I have seen and came across many works like, "Broken Hearts".. but this was unique for "Broken Mind". I love uniqueness.
The next thing is style of writing. It was very simple and very easy to understand.
There are broadly two ways of writing...
1) Being simple and easy.
2) Writing artistically, using different new words and adding different figures of speech.
The first one is best useful while describing feelings. Like you have done. It makes the thoughts and feelings reach upto the reader's mind and heart.
The second one has their own plus points but I would always prefer simple languages.
The words that you have used suits the poem.
The presentation of the poem is done superbly. I loved the part:
This particular part is presented beautifully.
For the emotion conveying part,
This was the BEST part.
The stanzas are linked very smoothly with the continuous threads of ideas. That makes the flow of the poem extremely smooth.
I loved this piece very much.
I like the overall theme of the poem. And the feelings you have expressed is just awesome.
Loved it from my heart.
Keep writing such beautiful stuff and we would love to keep reading and reviewing them !!
Have a great day / night !!
~Eros.
Heyo! CaiJo here to review for you.
So, first of all, I liked it. Biggest complaint is some typos and grammar stuff. Specifically you wrote too where it should be to. So, thought I'd point that out. I think this needs to be reread a couple times. As for topic, awesome, flow, pretty good, rhythm, not great, but since your poem is about breaking and shattering the rhythm shouldn't be nice and pretty, so that's good. Structure, again it fit with the breaking thing.
One thing I disliked was the last three stanzas. I feel like it should have been a separate poem.
Stop it... stop it... stop it please!
Whatever you think I'm not some disease.
My mind is shattering like glass
as cracks start splitting
in my broken head.
Ok, so I pretty much loved those lines. Only thing I might change is the line as cracks start splitting, but the rest of it was awesome!
Guess that's all. Keep writing!