Young Writers Society

I love this! I think because I'm a hopless romantic . I love your choice to use greek mythology , and you now how to use those big dictionary word's as my friend would have said.

Hey there! Silver here with your review!

Let me be honest with you, I'm not a big fan of love poems. In fact, I despise them. No offense to all you Romeo and Juliets out there! Either way, it is Valentine's Day after all, so I thought well, why not? So I'll give it a shot, stanza by stanza. Here goes:

"With long flowing hair,
stained purple and pink,
Aphrodite tip toes, across a
lovesick sea.
Walking naked and bare
her golden skin shimmers and shines
with love and beauty divine."

Definitely the strongest stanza of the poem. Nothing really bad to say here. Wonderful imagery in the beginning, sets up a very magestic atmosphere. I liked the word choice, like "stained", "shimmers", and "divine". Nicely done, using those words really creates a magical opening scene. I especially loved how you described her tiptoeing, it makes her seem pure and delicate. On one last note, I loved how you described the sea as "lovesick." Creative and lovely touch.

"Her voice, so perfect and sweet.
With a curl of her lips,
and a twist of her tongue,
sugar coated words secrete
from her mesmerizing mouth.

This stanza, for the most part, seems pretty solid, but can be improved. I think you can find a better word for perfect, and I hate the usage of secrete, it really detracts from the lovely word choice you use everywhere else. Secrete makes me think of slime or something. Not very romantic.

"Sugary syrup hangs in the air
as her mellifluous voice
dissolves all despair.
Singing an enchanting song,
exuding desire and lust,
ensnaring all your trust."

Once again, nice word choice. I particularly like "ensnaring." But what does "mellifluous" mean? Just curious!

"And Eros's arrows shall
perforate your heart.
Beating rosy pink
from love's deep wound,
oozing cupid's elixir
of passion and desire."

Oooh, Cupid's elixir? I like that. Puts a subtle edge in the poem. Nice.

"Through Aphrodite's siren songs
and Eros's lustful bow,
you'll be hypnotized
by love's bewitching stare."

Great last line. "Betwitching" really is the perfect word to sum up the dual emotions in your poem of despair and passion. That being said, for me at least, I thought it ended kinda abruptly, like it could keep going on. I think either add another short stanza, or make the one you have more of an "end."

Overall, as a romantic poem, I thought it was very well done. The beginning was powerful and the word choice throughout was dynamite.

Thanks for sharing! Hope to read more from you.

Keep writing!

All the best,

Silver

Dogs! I loved this poem, in many ways it is purely faultless. I am glad someone else on YWS has a good vocabulary (mellifluous, perforate etc.). The poem itself is solid, the imagery presented is very rich and your words conjured up a myriad of images to my mind as I read. Some lines had a lovely ring to them, mostly because they were rhymed with lines nearer to them. Indeed, I am curious to know if you have used a metre at all for this poem? Robert Frost said that poetry without metre is like playing tennis with the net down. Anyway, being a devoted Romano-Hellenophile myself I simply loved this poem.

P.S. Glad to see my lust/trust rhyme found its way into the poem