Two brothers stood on a hill,
One held a harp, the other a quill,
They looked at each other and began to wonder,
"Am I better than he, and he worse than any other?"
The brothers argued and squabbled all day, and then they got up to fight,
One brother drew back a fist, the other unsheathed a knife.
The brother seeing his disadvantage, said,
"Here now brother, let's not do any damage, I have a clever plan that we both can manage."
The knife wielding brother looked up in surprise,
"Are you insinuating a compromise?"
"Why yes...." he said nervously, hoping for his brother's precious acquiesce.
"Here is what we'll do: I'll write the music and you compose the tune,
And we'll combine them together into an irresistible croon."
The other brother concurred, and picked up his harp,
Plucking the strings with a newfound soul,
And the other grasped his quill and made the music whole.
Two brothers stood on a hill,
One held a harp the other a quill,
Through bickering all day long, they produced the first lyrical song.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Heya dbrick! Cheetah here to review your piece!
I really, really liked this! It was upbeat and clever, which made it fun to read. The rhyming was spot on, most of the beat was perfect, this was great.
When I said 'most of the beat' I was just thinking of two lines that just didn't seem to go smoothly.
I definitely like the idea here, but the beat kind of threw me off. Maybe try tweaking it a little so it's smoother? Your call. If you think it's okay, feel free to just leave it as it is.
That's it! I really thought this was a great poem! I can't wait to read more from you. Keep writing!
I really enjoyed how this told a story. It makes it all the more interesting. And throughout it all, you managed to maintain a bit of a rhythm and rhyme scheme. I felt like some of the words were forced, but maybe that's just me... The story line is nice, but I don't really see how the issue was resolved. "Through bickering all day long, they produced the first lyrical song." So with this final statement, I understand that the two brothers have worked together to create 'the first song' and yet they are still bickering. You've got unity combined with argument. Either this needs changed or expounded on, cause I'm not sure I understand it entirely.
Other than that, this was a really good poem. It's unique and has an intriguing twist to it.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hey! Thanks for the review. The issue was resolved in this way: they both thought they were better than the other brother, but then they realized they were best together (creating a lyrical song).The last line was a recap of sorts. I was trying to say that their day started off with something negative (an argument) but through them trying to resolve it, they created something beautiful. I don't know if that makes any sense? I do realize that some of the words were forced. I was so enthusiastic about my story idea that I just kind of made it work. I didn't really "flow" this time I guess.
What a sweet poem. I enjoyed this, short, sweet and lovely. I kind of wanted a description on what the brothers looked like but I guess it wasn't need. Gawh, I'm being lame again with my damn rambling, I loved this poem just keep writing and stuff.