A man’s heart slipped and fell
Pounding on the floor blood poured out
For the cuts it suffered weren't temporal
But of gashing permanence
His soul leaking out the arteries
And love escaping the veins
He finally exhausted and spent
For he experienced trial by knives
Of the most terrible kind
The challenge to life was but lost
And many a stab he received.
The very lusts and drugs he loved betrayed his soul
Stabbed him in the back
And made him realize his God shaped hole.
Yet, returning to his own cancers
He tried to patch his heart with liquor and money
The patches were sufficient for a time
But soon the very things he thought would save
Ripped larger holes
In the fibers of his soul.
Lying wasted in the gutter
You could hear the utterance of a prayer
“God…where are you?”
Memories flashed of his childhood church
But a few blocks away
Crawling through the dirt and the oil
Straining towards the sound of bells
He lifted his head to find the pastor
Bible in hand and hair grey
He repeated his question,
“Where is God?”
The pastor looked at him
Compassion welling in his eyes
“God will meet you right where you are
He will make your heart anew, give to you grace and truth and such rest you've never known.”
Gazing at the pastor, he whispered,
“But God hates me, my heart is bare and my soul gone. I have done all the drugs,
Beaten my wife, abhorred His name, and thrown pearls to pigs. I gave up all I had for this world,
A damned inheritance for reaping what seeds of sin I sowed!”
The pastor had a knowing look on his face,
“Jesus saves
He saves you from yourself
No thing you did was too great
His sacrifice was more than sufficient for souls dirtier than yours
For the nails pounded in His hands and feet poured healing blood
Drowning your sins and bathing your heart
But wait! You haven’t even heard the best part!
He rose again, undefiled by that cross of wood
His fellowship with the Father restored.
Now, accept Him in thy heart
And be washed by His perfect blood
Covered by the name of the precious Son."
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
I really, really enjoyed reading this. But, I feel as if you could have, um..worded it a little bettr in a few places.
It's nothing big, but there was these two parts that had the same word, which weren't far from each other, and it didn't really sit well with me:
"The very lusts and drugs he loved betrayed his soul
Stabbed him in the back
And made him realize his God shaped hole."
Now, I adore this part, I really do. It's very well put together, and the words just flow so well with each other, but a few spaces down, you have:
"But soon the very things he thought would save
Ripped larger holes
In the fibers of his soul."
So, this one is good to. But the use of the word 'soul' only really, truly worked well with the first one. This isn't me saying that the second time you used it, it just didn't fit. No. It did. If you hadn't had these parts so close, it wouldn't have stood out to me, but it did.
Now, I only SUGGEST that you switch the second one, and use a different word. But, it honestly doesn't matter too much. Your poem is great either way.
All in all~ this was absolutely, heart-breakingly amazing.
Good job, dbrick!
~Shiny
I LOVE THIS POEM! I never thought I could read such beauty. This made me cry :') It's so beautiful, I kinda relate to this poem and due to my sins, I thought God will abandon me and will no longer help me in my journey, but this poem. Made me feel a lot better. My trust has came back. This is really the most motivating, inspiring and hopeful poem I ever read so far.
Hope, Trust, Love, Regret and that easing feeling in the heart is all reflecting from this.
This is truly a work of art. This masterpiece is perfect! I love on how you put all your effort and brain cells to made this! This is like heaven on earth! I really do love it! I hope this gets published someday and go worldwide because this deserves it! Heh. I might just be exaggerating, but this masterpiece got me overwhelmed and I really like it! Wait no. I don't like it. I love it! Keep it up! Keep up the good work! Don't stop writing!