Silent tears

I edited my poem now that I finally got around to it.

nice write!
I do suggest you change 'drip' into something else..
Because drip doesn't really seem to fit in this poem
but either way: I love it!

dasiamari wrote:I stare at the white walls,
the silent tears drip from my face

I look into the small mirror,
my face pale for not having seen the sun
my light hair black (filled?) with filth
(from?) not bathing
I think the structure of this stanza needs a bit of clearing up.

Nothing (is alive?) but me
in this little room,
the only thing alive I think this is a bit repetitive as you've already mentioned it in the first line
but the rats that scurry

It seems as if I have gone deaf,
the only thing I hear is my own screams
as I call for help
or scream just to know that it is real

They locked me up,
no fault of my own

Maybe I have gone blind,
for all I see are white walls

I look there now
(as the?) silent tears drip

Hello dasiamari,
This poem is well written. I liked it. Keep writing!

Thanks PAZEY!! No hard feelings??

Pazey was that supposed to be an insult because it was kind of rude and said nothing about the poem

dasiamari wrote:I stare at the white walls
the silent tears drip from my face

I look into the small mirror
my face pale for not having seen the sun
my light hair black with filth
So maybe it's just me but I think it's "from not having" instead of "for not having".

Nothing lives but me
in this little room
the only thing alive

It seems as if I have gone deaf
the only thing I hear is my own screams

Maybe I've gone blind
the only thing I see is the walls
I love this! Very, very beautiful!

I look there now
silent tears drip

For some reason "drip" just doesn't sound right. The poem itself is very powerful but the last word, I feel, lets it down slightly.

No... i didnt like this very much. I guess it could be good but there was no emotion, you need to describe more and on more than one place the sentences felt a bit odd... You should look this thing over, I think it has potential because the poemstory is really good but the poem itself is quite bad actually. (Accorded to me atleast... )
And DO keep writing, I believe you have some potential hidden there in you.

Hugs and Hearts from Sagaa

I don't know, maybe it was just me, but it seems kind of repetitive. And you could definitely give more description and detail.
It has potential.
I like how it kinda seems to come into a full circle, like.. the beginning is the end, if that makes any sense? haha.
You start off with the silent tears dripping, whilst you look at the walls,
and then you end with looking at the walls, while your silent tears drip.

I do like it. I just would like more description.
Good job!

I really enjoyed this poem.
you managed to potray the emotion really well

great job

Good

dasiamari wrote:I stare at the white walls
the silent tears drip from my face

I look into the small mirror
my face pale for not having seen the sun
my light hair black with filth

Nothing lives but me
in this little room
the only thing alive

It seems as if I have gone deaf
the only thing I hear is my own screams

Maybe I've gone blind
the only thing I see is the walls

I look there now
silent tears drip

I feel that this poem could be more descriptive. Tell us why she is so unhappy? What caused her to be this way? The imagery is nice and the word choice paints a picture. But we do not really know what is happening to her. Also, describe the room, the pain, the screams etc. It will add more depth and emotion to it. Nice job. Keep it up!
~Ballerina

To me, it seems like this poem could be a lot more descriptive. Right now, it seems fairly vague and plain. Your word choice is average and you are telling us everything and not showing us. Describe the white walls, the sound of the screams of this person in agony. Also the ending is kind of vague, I don't really know what to say about that but, to me, the ending seems out of place almost like it should come later in the poem. I hope this helps... don't take anything to heart, I'm just trying to help.

To me, it seems like this poem could be a lot more descriptive. Right now, it seems fairly vague and plain. Your word choice is average and you are telling us everything and not showing us. Describe the white walls, the sound of the screams of this person in agony. Also the ending is kind of vague, I don't really know what to say about that but, to me, the ending seems out of place almost like it should come later in the poem. I hope this helps... don't take anything to heart, I'm just trying to help.

I like the poem.it reminds me of a part in a book called "Book Of A Thousand Days".

the silent tears drip down my face When tears drip it means they are falling off. But, you are talking about when tears run down your face not drip off.