Conversation 17

by dasiamari

Published April 17, 2013

In poems

                                                                                            (Written by dasiamari, and Cspr.)


They say true beauty lies within,
But they try to force it out
And they hate those who try to slice it out.

So we bask in their sunlight, weak and weary,
And try not to fix it with the apothecary.
As their minds’ eyes twist and change,
Forcing even the contortionist to break.

So she wears a blue gown;
as she stands down.

Forcing her beauty out
They lie,
Scattering their mis-truths and horror-shows,
As they fire!
Hurt!
Mock!
Maim!
And no one says a thing, because how can they?
Do and die,
Don’t and die.
It all ends the same .

So she becomes a taloned bird
No one can tame such as so.
And the ground yawns.

She steps down now,
And they feel relief.
But she got hers, relief,
Their relief.
Horror at a thought so different from before.

She revels.
She can fix this,
So different from the woman with the brand-face,
She can do it simply,
And apathy becomes her vice,
Cruelty her favorite dagger.

So congratulations, new weak and weary,
You have made your monster,
And she is beautiful
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
tgirly
Review
tgirly wrote a review Review · May 16, 2013

Hi.
I don't enjoy how the first stanzas all 'they' and then it switches to 'we' abruptly. Am I stupid, or did you mean rebels when you said revels? The first "steps down" is a bit confusing. I love the "Do and die, Don't and die, It all ends the same". That's marvelous. And the ending is beautiful too. I don't have any other critics, sorry; it's just too good. :)

User avatar
storyisking
Review
storyisking wrote a review Review · Apr 17, 2013

Hello! Sarah here! Okay, so I really do like this poem. It's got a kind of dark tone to it, which I always really love to see displayed in poetry (as it's always up to interpretation).

I also really like this one stanza:

So she becomes a taloned bird
No one can tame such as so.
And the ground yawns.

I might come back for a full on review later, but know this is really good and you guys should be proud.

User avatar
IAmOnlyMySelf Comment
IAmOnlyMySelf commented Comment · Apr 17, 2013

Oh my I love this it is amazing. :)

Thanks, we worked hard on this a while ago.



You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time