Some random idea that popped out of my brain like a poison mushroom. Feel free to comment.
Promise
I walked down the path
Of our joyful childhood
Where we used to play
Under the afternoon sun;
And windblown leaves
Would surround the shade
Of the big oak tree
Where we wrote our names
On its memorable bark;
Then you held my hand
And we swore to each other
We'll be friends forever.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
D'awwww! Its soo sweet!!
I just loved the piece and totally enjoyed reading this piece!
I loved the last part of the poem:
"And we swore to each other,
We'll be friends forever"
this actually reminds me of best friend for ever and we are still good friends for several years..... and we will be!
okay the things that I expected,
the starting of the poem of good it was a good beginning and as I was going through the whole poem I expected something more to come at the end.
you could have exaggerated the poem a bit to a little extent.
And no other errors found! its a really good piece and the way you have conveyed the message and shows how loyal friends should be and the most important it shows how strong your friendship with your friend is!
Anyway,
Keep up the good work!
Wished to see more like this
Have a nice day!
I pretty much liked it, but it was very short. Too short actually. I wanted to hear more about your childhood with this friend, and what happened as you grew up. I just wanted more details into your life. I still don't really know the whole story. It kind of just left me hanging at the end.
Ok, are you still friends now? Are you best of friends? Was it a true promise? What happened??
But thanks for writing. Keep on doing it!
Awww, this poem is awfully sweet. I love poems like these. Sweet and simple. The vocabulary is easy to understand, which is alright, but changing the words a bit can be nice too. It could bring a certain elegance to your poem.
Beautiful. Maybe more specific words and feelings?
I like this, but I agree with LilySoulMahon that if it were lengthened and you added more imagery it would be even better. I realize you just randomly put this together, so you haven't edited it much, but having said that, I think if you took the time to edit it, it'd become even better
This was an interesting poem. I liked the rythm and the way you used your words. The poem flowed really well and you did a great job with this. Keep on writing, I can't wait to see what comes next.
It's beautiful, and reminds me of when I was young and innocent.
I like this alot! It made me feel happy inside, like I too was reminiscing on my childhood
. Great job! What I especially liked was the fact that you made it flow and have rhythm without having the rhyme every other line. Again, great job!
wow. you capture a dream moment for that poem.. romantic and reminds us of beautiful memories of the past.
I really do like this, it makes me smile.
However, I do feel like it could of been lengthened and you could of used more imagery and detail to give a stronger view of emotion. Apart from that a lovely piece, the structure was nice and simple.
Well done!
Dear Darkangel
I think that was very sweet, but you could have added more emotion in it
Keep writing