The Minstrel's Song

Hi darkangel! Sparkle here to review.

Firstly, I love love love your first stanza! It is beautiful and playful while still bringing your message across. This poem has a very lighthearted style that I believe is appealing to all different sorts of readers.

The second stanza is flirtatious and paints an interesting picture of both the minstrel and the woman he is trying to woo.

I feel like you loose the message of the poem a bit is the third stanza. I agree with what Juniper said about this stanza.

You get your flow back in the fourth stanza and end on a strong note.

Overall, excellent poem, I would love to hear it set to music!

Great job, keep writing!

Hi darkangel, I'm June,

I love the way you use rhyme in this poem. It's effortless and organized and what you are trying to say is neither obstructed or underminded by your usage.

You convey your message pretty strongly until the third stanza, which, I think, is your weakest stanza here, mostly because of the second line in the stanza. It makes me feel like your rhyme scheme has had to struggle to work. Aside from that, I think you did a great job on the poem as a whole, so two thumbs up!

Juniper

Ooh, I'm happy with the main message of this song. So many stories and poems seem to cry, "But why DIDN'T you pick me?!" and it gets tiring to keep thinking, "Just because. Sometimes it doesn't work. You can move on." Here, the minstrel covers those thoughts for me and it feels genuine. I love the detachment and honor he has, and it makes the song a little more poignant.

But what I'd like would be a little more clarity in the language. I understand you were restricted both by the language you wanted to use AND the rhyme you stuck yourself to, but some sentences in there are just tangled. What do you mean that the princess cannot chose? And when would a prince or knight be of no use? I don't get what this part of the song is referring to, especially out of all the parts of this song.

In addition, I'd suggest maybe reading a few more piece of literature in the language style you're trying to evoke so that you can really get into the syntax. It's not just about adding thy and thee and talking about maidens and minstrels and knights and princes, but it's subtler. I think your poem would be more effective for the research and effort.

So good luck! Keep writing!
And feel absolutely free to message me if you have any questions or comments about this review. Hope it was helpful~

I really like the beginning "If I shall sing a song for thee to tug at thy heartstrings, maybe a change will settle on thy mind to choose a man thee long to find"; I wish I could write this for one of my fantasy books!!! BUT, the problem is... I don't think you used the words thee and thy correctly. I mean, thee does mean you and thy does mean your... but the words after them seem awkward. For example:
"To choose a man thee long to find" Now, I'm not positive, but it sounds like the "long" should be "longs"... "To choose a man thee longs to find". I don't know. It sounds right to me though.
"As every fair princess would bear"... I don't understand what that means... I think the "Would bear" should be altered. Once again, for some reason in "Thee cradle them best all the while" sounds awkward again. It might just be me.
In the third stanza... the "all of no use" doesn't sound right either.
The fourth stanza though... ahh, music to my ears! I love it!!!


All in all, It's a GREAT song! It inspires me to write my own Minstrel's Song!

~Ingrid

I actually read this story on the very popular Highlights for Children. :3

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/The+princ ... a019937623

I actually read this story on the very popular Highlights for Children. :3

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/The+princ ... a019937623

This is really great. It would be nice if you could find the short story online to link it so we can read it.
The poem is nice and light and easy to understand without being blatant. I really like it.

It is rare for me to read some poetry that has such excellent use of rhyme and rhythm with no flaws. The use of thee and thy really does work very nicely which adds a tone of formality but also a tone of lift and lightness to the poem which helps take away a weight which could have made it too longing which it isn't.
There is only one tiny little thing i would change which is just to make the flow a bit smoother is the one line
"If I shall sing a song for thee
To tug at thy heartstrings, maybe"

I would write "To tug at thy heartstrings,then maybe"
or "To tug at thy heartstrings and then maybe"
I feel like adding the then makes the line (which ends in the middle of a phrase ) less abrupt and the extra syllable balances it out.