*This story is under my folder titled “Dark stories to read whenever and wherever”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Why did Aspasia do it? Why did she kill them? They were little girls just like her, they didn’t do anything wrong. They just wanted to explore her house.
But it was nice to have Katherine and Maria around. They were great people to play with, it was better than floating alone in the emptiness of her home.
The place where Soleia lied to her.
Aspasia clenched and unclenched her fists. No, she couldn’t act out. The living people would notice and then they would all come to her house, attempting to catch “live footage” of a ghost.
Soleia, her own big sister. She was supposed to protect her. She was supposed to care. Yet, she let them all get bitten, and then, Soleia disappeared, leaving them all behind.
Aspasia blinked back into reality. She never fully paid attention when she was in her thoughts.
Katherine and Maria were in the living room, playing with Aspasia’s old toys. Toys that Aspasia didn’t care to touch anymore. Toys that meant nothing to her.
Her house was a tomb. Full of mosquitoes and moth-eaten furniture. Such a dismal place.
Aspasia couldn’t take it anymore. She ran towards Katherine and Maria and took a hand of theirs, rising into the golden light that always offered itself to her, that she used to be so afraid of.
With her new friends, she rose to Heaven.
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137,429 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
These stories connect to this one!:
Dark stories to read whenever and wherever (Aspasia’s story is the 4th tale)
Aspasia’s decay
Hello @creeperfeverdreams Detective Ira here, I have apparently stumbled upon your manuscript while searching for clues in the Devil’s Library, which is where I believe the ancient magical book of Toramu is hidden. Since I’m already here, I shall give my opinion on this piece of yours.
Though I have to say it is very strange that I should find your writing here……. hmmm…..
What I can see
Well this was a very interesting piece. You start of very strong with rhetorical questions which is a great way to address the reader and draw them into the story. And starting on such a dark note too, great way to spark intrigue. Since we don't know that Aspasia is a ghost at the starting of the story it becomes a much darker twist.
Is she a serial killer? Is she a murderer? Does she have anger issues? What has she done? But ah she is a little girl. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe she didn't mean it, what happened? But as we read further we see that there is something supernatural here. All is not right.
I like that you don't directly address these questions and leave the reader to infer these answers from context and the way the story ends. I do wonder though, why did Aspasia wait till she ascended to heaven. What happened now that made her change her decision? Perhaps some more context here would be helpful.
Under the magnifying glass
Following off the point I made above -
Over here it's implied that Aspasia wasn't alone when Soleia betrayed her. That it was all of them who got bitten. Makes me wonder why she was alone in the house. Was she the only one who got turned into a ghost? If so why did Katherine and Maria become ghosts too? If she wasn't the only ghost then does that mean the others ascended to heaven? Again, why did she stay behind?
Some more depth and context would be helpful here.
Closing the case
Overall this was a very enjoyable read! It was lovely going through this manuscript of yours. Everything expressed was my opinion, feel free to accept or reject whatever you want.
If you have any clues relating to the book of Toramu or anything you want to clarify feel free to contact my
alias, ahem, my dear friend @canopy.Until next time!!
—Hercule Poirot, “The Murdertime Murders,” by Agatha Christie
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed! The parents already went to Heaven, it was just Aspasia and Soleia in the house. Katherine and Maria visited and then Aspasia killed them both and made them ghosts.
Thx for the review! ^v^
Again I feel like you could have done so much to set the scene here. This feels all very disjointed and …unmoored. I wish we would have gotten some sorta description just where our MC is floating what it looks like how she got here and now she’s brooding abt what happened.
That said I rly like this line: “Her house was a tomb. Full of mosquitoes and moth-eaten furniture. Such a dismal place.”
Also interesting that she can just… decide to move on and take the kids with her.
She ascended through peace. And she%u2019s floating in the house but it%u2019s some kind of indescribable deathly blur.
Thx for reading!