*This story is underneath my folder titled “Dark stories to read whenever and wherever”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33 [2]”. Enjoy!*
Count Lachlan walked through his mansion, thoughts of Raylen circulating throughout his mind. Count Lachlan’s mansion was decaying, just as he himself was on the inside, but it was still a home.
Raylen had been a good friend to him. He cared for his wellbeing, despite all that Count Lachlan had done. Raylen never wanted him to become a complete monster, which was absolutely absurd, because they were both vampires. They both deserved to thrive.
And yet, that night where I killed my mother and Raylen failed to kill Hawthorne, he seemed to change. He became more of the thing he feared. He killed more. Why, he was killed by the ghost of one of his victims.
Count Lachlan stopped walking. Why did they care so much? Why couldn’t the humans just accept death and be on with themselves? Why did the humans have to attack them? They needed to eat, that was all.
A gust of cold, chilling air swept past Count Lachlan, but he didn’t see what it was. Perhaps it was just the wind. Nothing to worry about.
“And now you rot in Hell.” A girl’s raggedy voice snarled.
Count Lachlan turned around. It was Sabina, a village girl he killed many years ago, wielding a hefty piece of wood she must have found in the crumbling pieces of his home.
Before he could say another word, think another thought, Sabina drove the stake into his heart.
At least I’ll be with Raylen in Hell. Count Lachlan thought as his soul fell to Hell, as Sabine rose to Heaven.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
So after watching Hawthorne die, time for the count to follow.
Oh I like this: “they both deserved to thrive” and how he equates that to being monsters.!
Oh is Sabrina maybe the one who killed Raylen?
I’m having a bit of trouble with this story. I feel like the descriptions were particularly lacking. I couldn’t picture very well how much time has passed since the last story and where the character is. Also what happened to the ghost kids? Did they pass on when they murdered Hawthorne? Otherwise I had the feeling they might stick to the count like ghostly bodyguards…
Oh, the ghost kids are from the present period, it takes place wayyy after the events in the long story. And no, it was not Sabina, but some other victim from the present time, Anika.
I like the brooding and Count Lachlan’s characterisation, but it seems like it ends quite abruptly. Maybe it could do with some more suspense building regarding Sabina’s arrival?
Also I don’t understand how ghosts can kill people. Maybe this is explained somewhere else or maybe I’m just supposed to accept it but it doesn’t make sense to me since as far as I’m aware the typical ghost lore is that they can’t interact with people physically.
One of my favourite parts is how Lachlan doesn’t understand why humans care. It’s really interesting characterisation for a vampire. Again, it feels like he’s tossed aside too quickly but maybe there’s more of him elsewhere that I haven’t read yet.
You can read about him more here:
Dark stories to read whenever and wherever
Comforts of Hell
Also, ghosts don%u2019t touch stuff in literature, yes, but sometimes in stories, they do, and I think there are a few horror stories where ghosts do play some hand at killing people.
I am glad that you have enjoyed this. I appreciate your comment.