Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*This is the origin of Raylen, the vampire from the first tale in my story “Dark stories to read whenever and wherever”. This is underneath my folder titled “Dark stories to read whenever and wherever”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall.*
Introduction
Raylen loved Katarina with all his heart, but she held a secret so deep, a secret that he couldn’t see.
Not until it was too late, that was…
Chapter One
Raylen stared at the note in his hand. It was written in perfect cursive, her handwriting, so there was no denying in its legitimacy. But did she really want to meet at the old house?
The letter in his hand read as followed:
My dearest Raylen,
Meet me at the Westbridge Mansion on Cherry Lane.
-Your adoring Katarina.
Well, there was only one way to find out.
Raylen had to visit Katarina.
Chapter Two
A FEW HOURS LATER
It was a long walk, but Raylen had made it to Westbride Mansion.
It was originally built for his family, but his parents rejected it, declaring that it “wasn’t worthy of a living space”.
Raylen would never understand why his parents made the decision that they did, considering that the Westbridge Mansion had two-hundred rooms altogether and a garden that stretched for miles.
All of it was ruins after years of being unattended to. The white paint had faded to a dull brown, the wood was giving out, the flowers had shriveled up into husks.
But inside the mansion was life. Sweet, beautiful, life.
Raylen headed for Katarina.
Chapter Three
Raylen walked down the hall of the mansion. At the end of it stood Katarina in a poofed, blooming pink dress, blond hair laying limply on her pale skin.
The way she swished and swayed was almost ghost-like, not quite alive.
It must be the moonlight. Raylen thought as he walked up to her.
Chapter Four
But when he got close to Katarina, he could see that her eyes were hanging down by sagging skin, her lips were parched.
“Raylen, there’s so much that I need to tell you, so much I have to say, but I have to do one thing first. Can you please trust me?” Katarina asked.
She placed a shivering hand on his cheek. She looked up at him desperately, tears were trapped in her dying eyes.
Raylen nodded. Though he still didn’t know what Katarina wanted, he hated to see her in such a quivering, skeletal state. Whatever had happened, she needed his help.
He would be there to answer her call.
Chapter Five
Katarina brought Raylen close to her, his neck up to her mouth. At first, he thought that she was going to kiss him, but then, he screamed.
It was like knives being pushed into his skin, stealing his life away, digging into his flesh.
Raylen didn’t push her away though. It would be rude to do so, she didn’t mean to hurt him. Perhaps there was a good reason for why she was biting him…
Chapter Six
“I was bitten by a vampire a few months ago.” Katarina said. Her voice seemed faraway, like a dream.
“I’ve been pondering over whether I should turn you, but now I know that you’re perfect. We can spend an eternity together.” Katarina said.
Raylen couldn’t speak. He felt weak, he felt famished. He felt like sinking into the Earth and never returning again.
“Don’t worry, Raylen. I’ll help you.” Katarina said, brushing a hand against his face.
Chapter Seven
THE NEXT DAY
Raylen woke up on the floor of the mansion, the sunlight streaming in. Katarina held Raylen close, as they hid in the shadows, far from the windows.
“It’s alright, Raylen. I know a place where we can hide.” Katarina said sweetly.
Chapter Eight
Raylen held onto Katarina’s waist as they walked in the woods. She had taken him away from the mansion and out into the woods at the backyard.
He could smell the scent of blood from all living things, human and animal, rich in texture, rich in life.
Food to eat.
Chapter Nine
From out of the bushes came a small boy, dirtied with mud, eyes darting around confusedly.
Inside of the boy there flew rich, crimson blood, decadent like chocolate.
“There he is. Your food.” Katarina whispered sweetly to Raylen.
Chapter Ten
Raylen ran over to the boy and locked him in a death grip. The boy squirmed in his hands and cried out in fear, but Raylen kneeled down and bit into the boy’s neck.
Youthfulness, the life of a child, the innocence, it came back to Raylen as sweet, saccharine, sickly nectar.
Chapter Eleven
He let go, staring at the little boy in his arms. The child had died because of him, lost his chance to live because of him.
“It gets easier, Raylen. I promise.” Katarina said.
Did it ever get any easier?
Chapter Twelve
Raylen got up from the ground with the child in his arms. He may have been a vampire, but that didn’t mean that she was immoral.
He and Katarina walked together, to a place where they would bury the boy.
His family was waiting, but he couldn’t come home.
Raylen could never come home again.
Chapter Thirteen
As Raylen and Katarina walked under the shade of trees, away from the sunlight, a thought had occurred to him. Were they to always exist in the shadows, blood coursing from their lips, eyes worn the frenzy of a demon?
In the distance, he saw a church. A place of Holy Worship, a place where his family frequented. He felt safe there, he felt whole there.
But then Raylen looked back to Katarina, whose dress was spotted with dirt and blood. She didn’t ask for eternal life, he didn’t ask for eternal life. To leave her for those who wouldn’t understand would make him less of a boy and more of a monster.
She would be his new church.
Chapter Fourteen
Raylen heard the voices of his family, amongst others in his town, in the woods.
“They’re here. We have to go, now!” Katarina said, voice high with fear.
The panic in her voice was enough to get him to follow her, as they ran from those who once cared for them.
Chapter Fifteen
“They’re hunting us down, aren’t they?” Raylen asked as they ran.
The voices were getting louder, the sense of anger and fright was close, ever so close.
“Yes.” Katarina said.
But there was someone else following them, someone who wasn’t quite human…
Chapter Sixteen
A shadow swept past them, but they ignored it. All they had to do was run. But then, where would they go? Was anywhere safe? Was the woods their new home?
“Katarina, my dear! It’s been so long!” A melodic, yet off-putting, voice said.
The shadow had become clear.
Chapter Seventeen
A man stood in front of them, a living corpse, grinning wider than that of a skeleton.
Katarina stiffened. Raylen didn’t think that she could get any paler, but she did. She swallowed hard, eyes with the fear of a child.
He squeezed her hand comfortingly. From the way she shook and how wide her eyes were, he could see that the man had done it.
The man had made Katarina a vampire.
Chapter Eighteen
“I didn’t think that I would see you again, but I guess that I was wrong. Tell me, how is life treating you?” The man asked.
“I trusted you with all my heart, and yet you’re still out here.” Katarina seethed.
Raylen didn’t think that she knew him that well, but it appeared that she did.
Chapter Nineteen
“What? I only want the best for you. I’m your friend, after all.” The man said with a smile.
Katarina clenched and unclenched her fists, the rage of a demon fighting with the demure of a girl. Raylen put a comforting hand on her wrist, but she brushed him off.
“We’re not friends.” Katarina seethed.
That was when she lunged on the man.
Chapter Twenty
Katarina and the man ripped at the other’s flesh, drawing blood and snarling like animals. Raylen felt drawn to the blood, but it was more than that. Katarina panted like a wild animal, but deep inside, her eyes looked like they wanted to cry.
He too, joined in on her ravenous fighting, for Raylen could not leave her be.
After all, they were supposed to be together for eternity.
Epilogue
Though the man had died at their hands, Katarina was burned at the stake for vampirism. The humans didn’t catch Raylen, but…
He still resided in his mansion, waiting for unsuspecting humans to stumble in and feel the bite of his fangs…
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Hey, Kaerae here. short review tonight since I really should be sleeping (but don't want to drop out of team tortoise)
Its not completely over, but the story with him and Kat (im just gonna call her that) is over. There wasn't a lot of fight scene though at the end, I would have enjoyed the ending more if we were at the edge of our seats, looking for what happens next. I understand if you didn't want to write a longer "short story" though...First Impression: It sort of reminded me of a mix between twilight (romantic), and vampire diaries (action). I like the open ending
I also find the super short chapters (or just the words 'chapter..."I suppose) a little distracting. I think if you take those out it would flow better. Other than that, I really like how the story turned out. It's got a good plot for sure!
ps: sorry I just realized how criticizing I sounded, feel free to ignore my review altogether if you like the way this one is~
Keep Writing
Kaerae
A few things: first is formatting feedback. I'd take out the 'chapter x's because the story flows much better without the addition of the titles and honestly, in my experience, chapters are typically longer. You should definitely keep the 'the next day' part though, because that does add to the story's legibility. Other than that it's such a cute story!!!
Now for some praise, because everyone knows to each criticism you give three compliments.
I love this concept!! Always a sucker for vampire love stories, they're sooo good, and you wrote an excellent very well written short story to read.
I also wanted to compliment your wording for two lines in particular.
"The white paint had faded to a dull brown, the wood was giving out, the flowers had shriveled up into husks. But inside the mansion was life. Sweet, beautiful, life." was so good! Vocabulary, descriptive language, 10/10.
"Youthfulness, the life of a child, the innocence, it came back to Raylen as sweet, saccharine, sickly nectar." Saccharine, such an awesome vocab word. I also just love the name Raylen lol...
Good job!