*This story is under my folder titled “Dark stories to read whenever and wherever”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Jessalyn walked through the crumbing structure of the Glaphyra family home, where the mother, father, and Aspasia died of yellow fever.
There was another daughter, too. An older daughter. Soleia Glaphyra. Her body was found in the same conditions, but her eyes were gone.
Mosquitoes were said to be found festering within them.
There were rumors that the missing eyes meant that Soleia was a witch, and she had cursed her family and gave up her eyes for eternal life, for “freedom”. There were also rumors that Aspasia still haunted the house, that she wanted revenge for the deaths of her family.
All rumors, of course.
Yet, Jessalyn’s little sister, Amelia, had come to her quite in a panic when she got back from summer camp.
“I d-d-dared K-K-Katherine and M-M-Maria to go to the G-G-Glaphyra house and they didn’t come out! Please go find them!” Amelia had pleaded.
So there Jessalyn was, searching for two missing little girls.
In her free time, Jessalyn explored abandoned places. She tried looking for ghosts, but never found them. She was by no means a professional, and only wanted to do it for fun, but if it made Amelia feel better to go to the house, she’d do it.
At the end of the hall, Jessalyn thought that she glimpsed two little girls in pajamas giggling at her, but another look at it and there was not a soul.
Up the staircase, there waited the rooms of the Glaphyra family.
Jessalyn walked up the stairs, heart pumping with dread.
But why? Rumors were rumors, and houses were houses. What was there to worry about?
The wall of rooms on the third story was the epitome of loneliness. Closed doors after closed doors, once rooms where people slept or took moments to themselves, all locked, all covered by a veil of dust.
In a crack on the wall of peeling paint, there they were. The mosquitoes said to be festering on their bodies. Still there, all of them.
Sweat beaded down Jessalyn’s brow. If the mosquitoes were around, then that meant that the rumors…
“Get out of my house.” A voice rasped.
Jessalyn turned around.
On the wall was a looming black shadow, with glowing white eyes and rotten human teeth. The voice sounded vaguely like a girl…
Soleia Glaphyra.
Jessalyn ran for her life.
……………………………………………………
As Soleia got closer, so did the mosquitoes. All around the walls, waiting to gorge upon Jessalyn’s body.
No. I have to keep going. I’ll get out of here.
She was so close to the door…
Something made Jessalyn slip to the floor.
It was a wrecked-up porcelain doll, blond curls dipped in mud, blue eyes staring off distantly.
Soleia was getting closer…
Jessalyn threw the doll at her.
Soleia screamed, a grating, nails-on-chalkboard sound. Her claws were clenched in fear, her body began to steam away.
Huh? I only threw a doll at her.
Jessalyn watched in bewilderment as Soleia crumbled to the ground, her screeching screams swirling in the house, the mosquitoes disappearing into the darkness. Only six words came out of Soleia’s mouth:
“Aspasia…why…didn’t you…stay…dead…”
And she was gone.
Jessalyn got up from the ground. Somehow, the house felt gentler. Even its decaying state, the peeling paint walls and the sagging staircase held a certain Victorian charm to it.
“Janie? I’ve been looking for you!” A little girl in a blue dress said.
The little girl picked up the doll and held her close. She was slightly fading, just like a real ghost. Wait…a real ghost?
“Are Katherine and Maria here?” Jessalyn asked. She had to make sure, just before she stepped out the door.
The little girl cocked her head. Her own face had a mask quality. Both of her eyes were firmly shut, tears running down her cheeks. Was she destined to cry forever?
“They are, but they’re like me.” The little girl replied.
The little girl turned her head back up, a grin growing on her sad face.
“Want to see them?” She asked.
“No thank you! Have a lovely day!” Jessalyn said hurriedly.
Jessalyn didn’t waste a second and ran right out of the door. She wouldn’t stop running until she was far from the Glaphyra property.
There was absolutely no way she’d die young.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Taking a break from Cats’ story. Here I am =D
I’m a bit confused by this phrasing: “Mosquitoes were said to be found festering within them.“ Because… who said this? The ppl who found them? And why is this one so vague and the other statements aren’t?
I like the reason for why Jessalyn goes to the house. I also like that she’s already interested in ghosts and the supernatural so this fits!
Not that happy that she ran before she found anyone, but understandable…
Oh I love this: ““Aspasia…why…didn’t you…stay…dead…”” What a cool mystery!
Oh no no, does that mean the two girls that got dared to enter the house have been killed and that they are ghosts now too? And Jessalyn doesn’t even want to confirm that? (But gratz for her for having self-preservation!)
Soleia was a witch who had brought mosquitoes into the house to kill her entire family (but Soleia ended up dying too) with yellow fever. Aspasia killed two little girls who made the mistake of entering the house on a dare Amelia gave them and so Amelia felt bad, so Jessalyn (Amelia%u2019s older sister) came to fix things.
I am glad you enjoyed and this is one of the stories I am considering of editing. ^v^
Hello! I must say it was a very interesting story. Here's what I think.
The concept of this story is interesting. The Glaphyra family’s history, the rumors about Soleia being a witch, and the creepy detail about mosquitoes in the bodies are strong ideas. The setting of the abandoned house is clear and works well for a horror theme. The build-up with Jessalyn walking through the halls, seeing cracks in the walls, and noticing the mosquitoes creates tension in a good way. Those details are solid.
However, some parts need more attention. The opening spends a lot of time explaining background before the action starts. You could make it stronger by blending some of the history into Jessalyn’s thoughts as she explores, instead of giving all the information up front.
The climax feels a little rushed. The appearance of Soleia is sudden, and the conflict ends very quickly with the doll. Why does the doll work? Right now, it feels like it just happens with no clear reason. Adding a clue earlier in the story about the doll being important would make the ending feel less random.
The dialogue with the ghost girl at the end is interesting but confusing. The line about “every critique must include bananas” breaks the tone. If this was meant to be creepy, it doesn’t fit well with the rest of the story. If it’s meant as a joke, it doesn’t match the serious horror style before it. That part needs clarity, either commit to horror or explain the sudden humor.
Finally, the missing girls are mentioned at the start, but the story never fully explains what happens to them. The ghost girl says they’re “like me,” but that’s vague. A little more detail about their fate would make the ending stronger.
Overall, the story has good atmosphere and some chilling ideas, but the pacing, clarity of the climax, and tone at the end could use more work.
Keep writing!
Here are some stories that connect to this:
The memory breaks through
Aspasia’s decay
Dark stories to read whenever and wherever (The fourth story in this is what connects to this)
I%u2019ve had this idea for a while so a lot of my writing in this is old. The doll %u201Ckilled%u201D Soleia (she was already dead) because it was Aspasia%u2019s doll and that doll has some of Aspasia%u2019s essence. Because Soleia murdered Aspasia, the essence of her victim came back to bite. As a child, Aspasia is still tied to the house, unlike their parents who already passed on. So that%u2019s why Aspasia%u2019s stored essence sent Soleia away, it%u2019s more %u201Calive%u201D energy stored since Aspasia is still in the house.
And I wasn%u2019t even trying to be funny with her dialogue. I didn%u2019t want to give out too much information with what she said but I still wanted to give some kind of clues. Aspasia is dead. She died a long time ago. This story takes place at a modern time period. The missing girls would only have a few things in common with Aspasia: desire to play/make new friends/the overall feeling of being a child and%u2026being dead.
The girls are dead. That%u2019s how they are like Aspasia. Jessalyn runs because she thinks of the shadows she saw earlier of the two missing girls and upon hearing what Aspasia says, comes to the conclusion that the girls have died and there%u2019s nothing else to do. Jessalyn did what she could to help. She sees that Aspasia is happy and Soleia is gone, so she runs because she knows that if she stays too long, something bad might happen to her. It may have just been a little girl who died but she%u2019s still a ghost and no one knows with ghosts. Also, Jessalyn did not want to stay in that house too long, even though she wanted to help. She%u2019s sixteen years old.
But I guess I should have been more clear. I do have lore ideas for this and I%u2019ll update it when I can, but I have a lot that I%u2019m working on and I want to space it out.
Thanks for reading.