*This story is under my folder titled “Love in decaying hearts”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Once, there was a married couple named Ivana and Peter Watson, who had a six year old daughter named Jasmine Watson. Well, she wouldn’t be six years old for long, because the day was August 21st, 1923. Jasmine’s birthday!
To keep Jasmine’s excitement and suspense going, they both told her that she wouldn’t officially turn seven until late at night, for she was born at night, but instead of being excited, she seemed a little annoyed, as though she wanted to be seven years old already.
But after breakfast, they gave her a porcelain doll with blond hair in a pink dress, a doll who looked just like her, only, her eyes were blue instead of green and her hair was in a short, curled bob instead of in a long, sweeping manner.
Jasmine smiled and hugged the doll close, naming her Chrisalyn and not letting go of her the entire party, as though Chrisalyn were her new lifelong friend.
Ivana and Peter had invited everybody from their neighborhood, kids and adults alike. Jasmine wasn’t friends with any of the kids, but they both hoped she would make friends with them at the party, because they were friends with all of the other adults and it’d be nice if Jasmine could be friends with the kids too.
In fact, her parents were so deep in conversation with the other adults that by the time they were ready to call Jasmine over for cake, she didn’t come. They thought that she just didn’t hear them at first, so they kept calling her over, but still, she didn’t come.
Fear had begun to fester inside of them, but they both pushed it aside and told everyone to look for her, as they went to do the same thing.
Every room, every hallway, every possible space they could check, yielded no results. The only thing Peter and Ivana could find was Chrisalyn, in Jasmine’s bedroom.
Jasmine herself was nowhere to be found. Yet still, as the years went on, they held onto Chrisalyn, just as they held onto the hope that one day, Jasmine would come home.
What on Earth happened to her?
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
Hm I'm not really feeling that story. I mean it's sad that the daughter disappeared and it's probably realistic in that... well, sometimes things just happen like that. But for a story it seems to me that it's missing a connecting element. Yes, the doll that Jasmine like is still here but that is... well some sort of clue. Not enough hints that there is something supernatural going on. We also were told that she loved the doll so it is very strange that she would leave it in her bedroom. It implies that she was taken in her bedroom/disappeared there. It is mysterious but the rest of the narrative doesn't really compliment that. Feels like there is a lot of unnecessary information and not enough information that could give readers some sort of clue on why she disappeared.
The parents actually have no idea how she died. They do not know and perhaps they never will, but I have other stories in the folder I mentioned that connect to this.
Here is Jasmine%u2019s story:
Jasmine Watson-Love in decaying hearts
I loved this! It has a nice suspense to it but there are some edit that could be made. For example, you can add more details like, how the house felt when Ivana and Peter realized their little girl was gone. Did their hearts shatter? What was the aftermath? You can also try to elongate the passage. This is an engaging hook for readers! I really loved it and I encourage you to keep writing! I rate this a solid 8.5/10. Would read.
So glad you enjoyed! Here is Jasmine%u2019s story:
Jasmine Watson-Love in decaying hearts