Fiona Angelica-Love in decaying hearts

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was quite a nice look into how horrifying things can slowly develop unbeknownst to everyone and it really builds up quite a bit of mystery there the further we go.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

In the 1800s, there was a fourteen year old girl named Fiona Angelica. Fiona herself had magic that she did not fully understand, yet she worked on figuring out more.

Her older, eighteen year old sister, Lisa Angelica, got her a book to write down all her thoughts, to collect them all together.

Fiona’s mother and father always thought of them to be the dreams and nightmares that were seen in most adolescents, and never pondered on why she always seemed to write in that book furiously.

Okay well seems like an innocent enough start although certainly an interesting little side quest of magic there. Definitely captures our attention here, that's for sure.

But Lisa had seen Fiona walk out into the woods that teemed with blue mist, and always come back with eyes that were speckled with love and forelonging.

If their very parents knew, they would for certain give Fiona a good scolding and cast about a barrier spell in the woods, although what good would two people be to stop her from getting what she wanted? Even Lisa’s help would not be enough to block off the entire woods.

Ooooh well that looks like there's definitely something going in those woods there. Certainly something to be thinking about that much is certain. We'll see where that leads us.

There was something deep in the woods that had entranced Fiona so, and she would keep the secret laced in her heart for as long as she lived, for why would she ever tell anyone? They wouldn’t understand the beauty in the beyond, and that what was out there understood her beneath her veil of flesh…

Oh boy well that reads like something horrifying waiting to happen. You definitely get the feeling that things are not about to end well there and the tension is just palpable.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a powerful tale about the growing darkness. I have said this many times before and I'll say it again, it never ceases to amaze me how many cool new concepts you keep coming up with.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hey friend! I'm back for reviewing another amazing one of your stories. Let's jump right into the review!

Her older eighteen year old sister, Lisa Angelica, got her a book to write down all her thoughts, to collect them all together.

I would add a comma after the word, older, and before 18. That just helps with the flow with the sentences, in my opinion. Oh, and also! I want to say that I really like the cover art that you did for this. The heart drawing is so well done, and I love all the blood that you added. Great job!

There was something deep in the woods that had entranced Fiona so, and she would keep the secret laced in her heart for as long as she lived, for why would she ever tell anyone? They wouldn’t understand the beauty in the beyond,and that what was out there understood her beneath her veil of flesh…

I found this plot to be very intriguing. One thing, make sure you add a space after the comma after the word beyond in this quote (before the word and). One thing that you use in this chapter that I really enjoyed is how you ask questions to intrigue us. For example, when you ask "why would she ever tell anyone" that really caught my attention. Makes it feel like you're really speaking directly to the reader, which is a wonderful tool that I love when I see in your writing. I'm very interested in reading more. And the last sentence in this was super awesome. Using those words like "veil of flesh" is just so good. Gruesome but also really caught my attention. You do a great job with us throughout this whole chapter. Overall, lovely work, and I look forward to reading more!

Your friend,
Ellie

hi! i hope you're having a great day! today i'll be reviewing your work using my banana template.

the lovely colour of your banana
this was a nice short story about two sister. one of them was wondering about why her younger sister went into a forest, and she does not seem to like this. she also thinks that her parents would scold the younger sister if they knew and would try to stop her from going there.

taking off the peels
most of the imagery seems very romantic like "eyes speckled with love and longing" and "dreams and nightmares that were seen in most adolescents" i think fiona's personality is that of a romantic teenage girl and lisa is the protective big sister.

the slightly mushy parts
i dont really understand the connection between fiona's "magic" that she doesn't know about and that her parents think its the dreams of an adolescent. her going into the woods seems to be about someone she likes, not about her discovering her magic. or are the two linked?
my other confusion is this last line,

There was something deep in the woods that had entranced Fiona so, and she would keep the secret laced in her heart for as long as she lived…

is this from fiona's perspective or lisa's? who will keep that secret? because the rest of the story is from lisa's perspective.

the monkey finished it up
i've been reading your love in decaying heart story (because i love romance) but im wondering what's the significance of this short story to the novel? wasn't this mentioned in the first part of the novel? i haven't read past the first chapter yet though and im looking forward to completing it
anyways, this was a fun little story and i enjoyed it.