we don't always win//we often forget//i want to be

we don't always win.

sometimes, we fall. and fail. and fall again.

from our towers,

the ones that contain the destinies we weave.

from our high horse.

and the stories that contain the heroes and villains.

from our dreams.

the ones that let us escape.

-

we can't always win.

there is, inexorably, inevitably, something that takes us down.

we are afraid. we are scared. we are timid.

but, there's something human about that, isn't there?

covering your ears during the thunder,

so the roar would barely be a rumble.

hiding in your bed, when the dark becomes a monster.

-

we won't always win.

and that's okay.

when we are at our lowest,

we often forget our peaks.

when we lose, we lose ourselves.

and we lose what makes us, us.

~

knowing we often do things that are impossible,

and we overcome the inevitable,

and we change the "set in stone"

is astounding.

-

the stars often surround our beings,

watching us and our every move.

we often forget that we once were stars,

fell from the endless night,

and dropped into the ground.

-

we too, grow like seeds.

we too, branch out.

too often do we prune others

to grow ourselves.

why?

-

why do we hurt to heal?

why does it hurt to heal?

why can't we hurt to heal?

-

we break down these

"norms" to become unique,

but weren't we unique already?

we are not one in the same-

there is always something different about us.

~

and i am not the same as you.

i will never try to be like you.

though you said we are blood,

we are barely bretheren.

-

see, you are a deep gray,

lost in fog, thrown into voids,

and returned through ink.

you claim to be a helping sunflower,

found in meadows, picked and watered,

and dipped in moonlight,

but even flowers have their thorns.

-

i'm never going to try to color myself.

you made the effort of trying to do so,

and i-

can't stand being colored anymore.

i'm tired of being a "sharp orange"

or a "vibrant magenta"

or a "doomsday green".

i want to be nothing.

-

i want to be whispers in the wind.

i want to be winter snow as it melts to spring.

i want to be the wave that returns as vapor.

but at the same time,

i want to be something.

-

i want to be snowflakes that land on pine trees.

i want to be the droplets that mist at the bottom of waterfalls.

i want to be the stone that blocks the waves from the shore.

yet, that feels like being everything.

do i want to be everything?

-

do i want to be the sun that gives life?

do i want to be the air that we breathe?

do i want to be yours?

-

i think, i do, or i don't.

and i think i want to be at least one thing.

it could be lableless,

it could have a name.

because i think having to choose,

being yours, mine, something, nothing.

it feels like winning.

for once in my life.

to be victorious, to have accomplished something.

and i like that. even though we don't always win,

it feels like i've won. just a little.