he says that maybe, we could
be boyfriends. boy friends. boy, friends.
it feels weird just writing it out.
.
he snuffs his feelings each night, air flow
of our candle, voided. but as a phoenix does, it rekindles.
i wonder if he loves me enough for that to happen, forever.
.
perhaps his love is as vast as summer skies,
deeper than the ocean laid in his eyes, ripples of blue
and turquoise flashing in and out, seafoam collecting
at his tearducts, i want to wipe it away.
.
his hair is like a tapestry, golden, showing
me his past and our future, sacred and mystifying.
the sanctity of dual time interlocks with our fate.
.
he laughs that familiar laugh again and
i just sit there and soak up the sound; watching
intently as his face lights up and he makes
that ever so familiar smile.
.
if this is love, it is a wonderous thing. this
is finally the right constellation, where all the
stars are finally, fully, aligned.
.
boyfriends. what a strange word.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
references:
invisible string - taylor swift
from the start - laufey
peace - taylor swift
labyrinth - taylor swift
message in a bottle - taylor swift
you belong with me - taylor swift
state of grace - taylor swift
Heyyy!
So, for starters, I love how this is written. It works through, telling the narrative of a person, most likely a gay man/boy, who wants to love another who probably doesn't like him back.
I love how the narrator describes the boy he likes. It's beautiful, the analogies used throughout the poem. I love it. It's gorgeous.
I also love how you used the dots between the stanzas. It helps break them apart. I have troubles with that on my own poetry, because the YWS layout is hard to use. But you found a way to work around that, and it's neat!
I also love your ending.
"boyfriends. what a strange word."
It corresponds well with how you spelled boyfriends out in 3 different ways in the beginning. It's a nice, soft ending that flows well and fits neatly!
Overall, I like your writing style. You use such good terms and the way you write through is beautiful!
Keep it up!
~Taost
Happy Holidays! My name is Ley (or Lektra) and I'm here to review this sparkling work with my new holiday-themed review template: just in time for winter! Let's sit by the fire, get our marshmallows ready, and discuss this piece you have here. Huzzah!
Eek!
❄️ Winter Whispers ❄️
Okay, so I know that this has some Taylor Swift references, but forgive me because I'm rusty on my Taylor Swift lore XD I wanted to come review anyways because I haven't reviewed or appreciated one of your lovely poems in a while! And... a love poem, at that?
🎅 Warm Sugar Cookie 🎅
I really enjoyed the second stanza and the comparison of your 'candle' or 'love/connection' to the fire of a powerful phoenix. I always admire your ability to use the most profound word choices when it comes to imagery and comparisons, and you definitely didn't disappoint in this poem. <3
I loved this line because I could so easily imagine it. A beautiful set of gold hair, blowing in the wind/cascading down their temple. Such a beautiful/complimentary line you have here!
Okay... for some reason I feel like this is one of the Taylor Swift references XD I may be completely off though. Either way, I love how cute the poem gets here :3 I am obsessed with the idea of there being an invisible string between two people, that metaphor is so extraordinary and different.
🌟 Chilling Critique 🌟
I have absolutely no critiques for you, herb! I really enjoyed this, and I think this may be top 5 of yours for me because I'm a sucker for love poems
🎆 The Grand Finale 🎆
Overall, this was such a beautiful piece. It had me smiling throughout, and I'm never ever disappointed by your poetry! I'd love to read more poetry of yours like this. Have a wonderful rest of your day, friend!
Wishing you a season filled with joy, laughter, and love! <3