pointless, useless, profitless, fool.
Popular, people, pictures, cool.
~
People always told me that social media was a monster,
a distraction from day to day life.
They describe it like it is some kind of blissful blindfold,
hiding our eyes and numbing our minds to reality.
They classify it under the same categories as dreams or fictions,
just an illusion of life, a warped world where things are better than they seem.
They say that as dreamlike social media can be,
it can still turn into a nightmare.
They whisper of bullying, of harassment, of lives destroyed by the dangers of Internet.
Of how social media is ruining our minds and fouling our futures.
Of how it entices us into it's grasp
and then never lets us go.
How it kills imagination, inspires violence, and devours all who dare us it.
They say such things should be destroyed.
That we should make war on social media,
and take back our children from the screens.
That we should abolish the days of when likes are traded like currency,
and return to when the friends we had were the ones you met with face-to-face.
They say...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hello, here to review your poem.
So, this is very interesting. I find that in some parts you really reflect the way things are in society, and you write it with good language and flow. I especially like the part where you say:
I like this because I really like how you show that it can be both good or bad, depending on how you see it and what your point of view is, as well as your experiences with it, of course.
However, there are a couple of things I'd like to say that I think could make this slightly better. First of all, I feel that the first part, up to the ~, is slightly unnecessary. Maybe to you it means something, but to me as a reader it does not seem like it must be there. Also, in that sort of introduction, you wrote:
Now, you were maybe trying to make it rhyme with the next verse, but fool would normally be foolish. However, maybe you weren't trying to make it entirely sensical, and that is up to you.
Also:
I understand this after reading the poem, but just at the beginning, this feels strange. When your elders tell you to be wary of social media, it is not in the way of dreams or fiction. They tell you to be wary in the way that you should be wary of drugs, for example. Of course, this is a matter of perspective so I am not asking you to change it, just giving you my point of view.
Finally, all throughout the poem I was expecting a but. You tell us what people say about what they think social media is, or what it represents to them, but you do not tell us your own perspective on the matter. I think that that is a shame. Unless your perspective consists of the eight words you listed at the beginning, in which case I'd say you could develop on it.
Overall, I like this poem and the metaphors you use, but I think you could still improve it just a bit. Keep on writing and good job!
Thanks for the review, and I will try to improve this. I did this for school so we had a view point chosen for us that we could not deviate from. However, my thing for school is over, so now I can get to the "but". Thanks for the review, and have a happy new year.
It is my pleasure. Oh, that makes more sense. You're welcome and happy new year to you too!
I have mixed feelings about this. The facts are true, but they also break my heart because I love social media. I love the words that you chose for this poem. The negative viewpoints seem like things parents or teachers would say. I would love to hear a different poem with positive things, almost like a poem of social meida users counter. So basically, things that you would argue with. Super Writing. Sadly, I don't have much more to say, but great work and keep writing!
did you mean to post this twice?
Nope. It does that sometimes.
I have mixed feelings about this. The facts are true, but they also break my heart because I love social media. I love the words that you chose for this poem. The negative viewpoints seem like things parents or teachers would say. I would love to hear a different poem with positive things, almost like a poem of social meida users counter. So basically, things that you would argue with. Super Writing. Sadly, I don't have much more to say, but great work and keep writing!
Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked it! This was for school and the topic was picked for us, so I couldn't have made this a positive thing, but maybe in the future I'll do a reply with good stuff (if I can find the time).
Cool.
Hey, books!
Well, you are right about what they say. But they should remember that every bad thing has some good points to it,too, may they be too little to notice.
I would like to know what how you think about Social Media.