Hello!
Happy Review Day!
First off I'd like to say that this is quite an interesting way to do a poem. I think you've really got some talent in storytelling/narrative poems. You should keep that up!
I would like to comment that your poem itself could use some improvements as a story however. I feel like the whole "Love" vs Infatuation thing is sort of, off, because infatuation isn't this huge evil thing, it's just a puppy love. It's like when you just start to love something and you're tentative about really falling for them. It's just another way to describe love.
You're making it out like it's something huge and negative, like infatuation only happens when there's an obsessive person involved who is going to lie about everything, and that's just not the case. The problem is I'm not exactly sure what other things you could use. Lust is probably a bit better for a descriptor, but that's definitely a different insinuation.
This woman is more of a Black Widow, or a person who chases after men and then eats them when she's done. She's going to chase after anyone who comes close to get their money, basically. The term comes from women who outlived their husbands repeatedly. It was super derogatory and mean, because basically it's accusing them of murder, but that feels more accurate than something more innocent as infatuation.
As for the poem itself, I feel like you really should expand your horizons and explore enjambment, which is just basically having sentences on more than one line. Don't always stop/pause at the end of a line. Mix it up. That's going to really help with some of the syntactical looks of the poem and make it feel more mature.
Right now this poem feels very nursery rhyme and if you want to tackle a different tone, then you're going to have to expand and explore. However, what you're doing in this tone is really good, so keep it up.
I hope to see more from you.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY!
Aley.
Points: 1883
Reviews: 806
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