E - Everyone

A Meadow of Green and Gold

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A Meadow of Green and Gold

A common phrase, oh yes, I know,

but once upon a time;

a girl sat still, remembering,

 and then she began to rhyme.

~

The tale begins, the story starts

in a place rather far away:

a small, verdant, grass-green field;

the perfect place to play.

~

And in this little, sunlit world,

this tiny corner of the globe,

lived a group of children who

 once called this shining meadow home.

~

One fine, enchanted Summer day,

they discovered a long-forgotten path.

And after many hours of fierce debate,

nine girls risked their mothers' wrath.

~

Along a small, dirt road they walked,

through a forest, thick and wide,

until they stumbled on the meadow;

the perfect place to hide.

~

 And in this forgotten, gold-green field

of beautiful flowers, stones and moss,

nine young girls set their minds adrift

and in the shining summer haze, got lost.

~

Gone was the world they once knew,

a fairyland instead, 

and soon, a Queen for the glade was picked,

a ribbon wrapped 'round her head.

~

Each sunny day they could escape,

the girls gathered, big and small;

trekking down the long dirt road;

ignoring their mothers' frantic calls.

~

Each fleeing from their nurse or keeper,

they left to bid their sorrows adieu,

and circled up around their Queen

to embrace their verdant world anew.

~

For every day was unlike the last,

a new tale was waiting to be told.

Each day their leader transformed their meadow,

their meadow of green and gold.

~

And each day their royal monarch treasured,

and spun out a story for all to hear;

for every single day, without fail,

awaited sixteen listening ears.

~

In her domain, she let her mind drift off

to pluck great words from among the clouds.

And then she gathered them all up,

and proclaimed all, brave and loud.

Some days perhaps, a castle was born,

rising from a cloud, tall and gray.

Others, perhaps, a massive wave swept by

and carried her loyal subjects away.

~

And so the girls spent a year or two

in their grassy, golden glen.

Circled up around their Queen,

who told her stories to them.

A blessed year, free of of care,

a year in the land of dreams.

A year of blissful ignorance

about the World's wicked schemes.

~

Then, once upon a Winter day,

a day of bitter cold and snow,

the World rose up against the Queen,

and struck her a devastating blow.

~

No longer could she visit her field, green,

nor live in the house she had spent her life.

Her childhood home, her land of dreams,

were completely gone, almost overnight.

~

Torn up from the roots, the beloved Queen

was transplanted somewhere bigger:

A strange new world, called "the city";

a place that was completely different.

~

And all too soon, the years flew by

as the Queen traded her life of green for gray;

and she forgot about her peaceful glen;

well, she forgot until one recent day...

A ribbon was found, one once thought lost,

ragged, faded, and torn 'round the ends.

The same ribbon used to crown a girl,

the one once tied 'round the Queen's head.

~

A ribbon, a crown, a reminder, a rag,

held in hands small, and young no more.

A piece of cloth from a life left long ago,

that had held witness to summer dreams galore.

~

And so the Summer Queen remembered,

and thought back to treasured days long past;

and many silent, bitter tears were shed

over how our short lives fly by so fast.

~

So what has happened to our Queen,

our Queen of the meadow, green and gold?

Has she left her noble trappings for good,

or has she traveled back to her home of old?

~

Well, while the Queen is now just a girl,

and her crown is just a silken scrap,

our girl has moved on with her dreams

 with a pen and paper in her lap.

~

Those stories told so many years ago

soon find their way to places like here.

The words spilled out to her royal subjects

now are brought forth to reach new ears.

~

Like the story of our Summer Queen,

crowned in ribbon, telling tales wild;

she now lives but in memories,

forever lost in dreams like a child.

~

Her reign? Endless, never forgotten:

our ruling monarch of years gone by,

standing enthroned in summer sunlight

pulling words and stories from the sky.

~

And there you will find her, to this day;

our eternal Queen of summers old;

relating great tales to all who read

of a simple meadow, green and gold.

~~~~~

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
FatCowsSis
Review

Hello!
Right. So, I had every intention of reviewing this stunning poem earlier, but I accidentally exited out of the tab, and it took me FOREVER to find this again. So now, I have arrived to review this breathing work of art. Let's begin, shall we?

First off, this is absolutely stunning. From the first stanza, I found myself being completely drawn in to the poem, and I could not stop reading. Kudos to you for that.

Now, I hate this part of reviews, and that is critique. But, it is necessary, so cue this part of things!

One fine, enchanted Summer day,

they discovered a long-forgotten path.

And after hours of fierce debate,

nine girls risked their mothers' wrath.

During this stanza, you have filled the second line with syllables, but then immediately lose them in the third line. I understand that you have a rhyming pattern of ABCB, but the imbalance between the two threw off the flow of the poem for me. Look for this is other stanzas as well.
Gone was the world they once knew,

a fairyland instead,

and soon, a Queen for the glade was picked,

and they wrapped a ribbon 'round her head.

The line I have placed in bold also upset the poem's flow and rhythm. However, I believe if you simply swap the word order and eliminate a couple of words, the flow can be fixed. For instance:
Gone was the world they once knew,

a fairyland instead,

and soon, a Queen for the glade was picked,

a ribbon wrapped 'round her head.

I would like to emphasize that you do not at all have to follow these suggestions.

The story you told through this poem was absolutely incredible. It really struck me right in the feels, and I appreciate the raw pureness this poem displays. Well done.
Keep writing, my friend.
-Sis

Thanks a ton for the good review, my dear! I've had a lot of complaints about my rhythm and rhyming, but you are the first to actually say where and what is wrong with such things, so again, thanks a ton for that. I also appreciate that you emphasized that I don't have to follow this (although this is good advice, so once I have time, I will), as reviews giving friendly advice, and not just commands, are rare and ought to be enjoyed. [Lol, when did this become a review of a review? Sorry. xD] Anyway, thanks again and have a nice day!

No problem! I'm glad I could help :)

User avatar
NoStoryTime
Review

This poem really captured me and brought me in. The way you wrote it, really draws in a reader. The amount that you put into this is really quite alluring. I don't every want to stop reading it.

Though I loved it, I do have a critique. I understand that you wanted to rhyme is every second and fourth line of each stanza, but you do not have to if you do not want to. Every time rhyme seemed forced and seemed to end the flow of the stanza whether it was in the second line or the fourth.

Other than that though, you seem to write this with all your heart and you put so much into it, which is what every writer should do. Really incredible job. Keep up the exceptional writing.

Thanks for the review, and I thoroughly intend to! ^v^

User avatar
Rascalover
Review

Wow.

This story is full of reminiscing and beauty. You definitely pulled me in, and I couldn't quit reading until the end! There's really only ing thing I would change: Your rhyme seems forced at times and nonexistent at others. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, especially with a story as poignant as this. Of course, it's a personal choice to change it. I can't wait to look at your other works.

Thanks for the great read!
Rascalover

Thanks for the review! :)

User avatar
CaptainStack Comment

Beautiful theme and flow of story development. At most you should watch your rhythm as well as your choice of rhyming words, but over all, this is beautiful. Really transported me to another world!

Thank you for the review! ^v^



I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
— John Cage