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137,581 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
hiii happy review day. I hope all the feedback on this finds you well :]
as a dad now there's a few things in here that just hit in ways that I dont think I would have understood reading before I had a kid, which I find beautiful and always so interesting that you seem to comprehend them already.
not a single lie was told here. I knew it would be hard. I didnt realize how much free time and bored time i would lose. How often I would have to be carrying the weight of someone else's emotions and wellbeing because they have so little regulation.
[quote]I'll desire this love, even if it weakens all I've come to be.[/quite]
this one reeeeallly hit me. You become a new person as a spouse, but then again as a parent in a different way. You suddenly have different roles, and priorities get shuffled, and now the most important things in your life have to be put on a new scale where your child comes first. You have to measure put what's important and what's not, and how much of your identity you will now put in your parenthood, but at the same time not lose who you are as an individual.
But you put it so much more concisely and poetically because youre a good poet. I wasnt sure I'd leave a comment but I wanted you to know just how accurate you were with those thoughts.
~Messy
Hey cherie <3 Thought I would stop by for review day to take a look at your poem!
Certainly a tender subject and one explored with some complexity of emotion too. The speaker feels an innate calling to be a mother, that they identify as genetic, organic, bodily but also a spiritual calling (maybe aligning to vocation?) and at the same time this desire is present they also acknowledge the reality of some of the fears that come with wanting motherhood. Despite their fears and the taunting voice, they listen to the "faithful voice" that I interpret as God assuring them that this is what they were created for. And so the speaker continues to wait in hope to share their love.
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I like that your poem is able to hold love, fear, and hope all together at once, sometimes poems can read a little emotionally one-note, and while sometimes there's a time for that, I think that layering on different emotions sometimes feels a little more "real to life" - so that gave it a vulnerability to me that felt easy to connect to.
I think one bit that flowed a little oddly was the two voices "I do not know how that taunting voice tells me "what if"" ... to me I wasn't sure what the "what if" was indicating, but I would guess it's tied to the earlier fears of bodily harm and being spread too thin. I wonder if a stanza break after "what if" might clarify and separate the transition even more? That would just be a spot to maybe take a second look at.
Overall the poem felt personal and authentic, vulnerable and tender - I love a spiritual poem that is willing to converse with what God might be saying to us, so certainly appreciated that inclusion too! <3
The formatting felt very polished on the page with your line breaks, formatting and punctuation choices. Very clear images and clear continuity of theme throughout.
Thank you for sharing this very sweet poem. <3
~ A
Hi cherie!
I really love the exploration of motherhood through the lens of faith. Despite faith not being a consistent thing in my personal life, I can appreciate its involvement in others' and especially its connection to the desire to be a mother; I think there's something sacred in both and you depict that very well without it being "overly" religious or difficult to understand (for someone with no religious background).
Simple but effective — I really love how this explores the "what if" of being a mother so naturally, as anyone could imagine how your heart and capacity for love expands with a child. And I like that you bring back this imagery at the end; "I'll desire this love even if it weakens all I've become to be" is beautiful. I kind of take it as a form of sacrifice that comes with being a mother; the desire for love is so strong despite its potential to sacrifice current sense of self. Loving someone despite losing part of yourself in the process is the greatest sacrifice I think that is part of motherhood, but you portrayed this conviction clearly.
The wording order here particularly intrigues me. I almost wonder if switching "genetic" and "organic" would make more sense? Right now I'm taking this at face value as the speaker's genetic being being made up of organic and spiritual content, but I might argue that genetic and spiritual composition come together in an "organic being"? This could emphasize the message that the desire for motherhood is innate, organic, and undeniable.
The juxtaposition between the faithful and taunting voices are also interesting to me! The taunting voice creates a cloud of doubt over both the speaker and reader, which is an interesting choice being that a large portion of the poem carries home the desire for motherhood; I wonder if this could either be expanded upon or taken out altogether? It certainly creates a compelling personal conflict, but it isn't really revisited at any other point. Just a suggestion!
This is such explicit, powerful imagery. I love it! It introduces a compelling personal testament of motherhood, outside of caring for the baby itself, that is about personal achievement, strength, and perseverance. I think it lightly touches on how difficult pregnancy and motherhood can be, without it being overstated or explicitly written. So well written!
Hope to read more!
Calamity
Hi cherie, thank you for sharing your eggselent work - I'm here with an egg-inspired review for you today!
Note: please know that I'm an idiot who's reviewing this at 04:55 in the morning and hasn't been sleeping the whole night, so this is probably going to be pretty short and bad.
The Shell: A Round Interpretation - Overall Thoughts
Well, the title describes the poem perfectly.
The Yolk: The Best Bits
..I want to quote the entire poem here.
The Egg Whites: Time to Stir - Suggestions
Not really a suggestion but one thing that confused me was
Why don't you know how and how do you not know how that taunting voice tells you?
Note: this poem reminds me of something someone once told me.
I don't know who it was (God, maybe?), and if I was ever told this at all, but they said that true love doesn't split, it only multiplies. Know that.
Brought to you by Team Egg - in honor of TheEgg
This is a beautiful poem. It’s something I, too, feel and experience. I hope one day you will get to show this poem to the child you long for!
Firstly, I love the way you’ve formatted this. It’s very simple, but the chosen font and the way it’s presented on the page as one long flowing piece but with some white space and dashes to give it a little rest, it reads as a sort of stream of consciousness. This strengths the ideas in the poem because it feels like this love and affection and the idea of motherhood are seeping out of you rather than deliberately being written up as an idea for a poem. There’s a real passion there!
There is also some visceral imagery of “tearing” which gives the poem a raw and real feel. Motherhood is an amazing feat of nature but it is also a sacrifice, something which we have to physically give to the world. And then end stanza, worrying that it might weaken who you’ve come to be, ends the poem a realistic and yet still hopeful note.
Another beautiful poem! You are so talented, I’m jealous!
Keep writing <3
*the image becomes clearer at 80% zoom on desktop
There is something in my genetic being,
text version:
Spoiler
in my organic and spiritual composition,
that desires, so achingly, to be a mother
—to withstand the consequence of the
tearing of my body, spreading me thin
—to rejoice in the deepening of my love
how it does this, I do not know how
that taunting voice tells me, what if
yet the faithful voice says, it’s okay
you were always created to love
I’m a woman waiting for the chance,
for the blessing, of swaddling a babe,
the pouring of love, calling them mine,
all mine, all ours, and all His to cherish
forever, and ever, I’ll desire this love
even if it weakens all I’ve come to be