fawn

Bonjour cherie!

I really liked this poem and decided to review it. So...let's do it, shall we?

I just wanted to comment and say that I find the style that your poems are in very chic and it gives me this impression that I’m reading things from an old diary or journal. It’s really cool! I also noticed that for this poem, everything is in lowercase and I think that, for me, this showcases the delicate and sensitive nature of the subject well.

I really liked how well you portrayed fear in this poem. It’s clear that the person is scared and we typically perceive scared people and things as non-threatening, but interestingly, out of the fear that ultimately conquers this person senses, they hurt people as a defense mechanism. Even the people they love are no exception.

The dark forest and fawn imagery was a tool that you used well. It set the scene for the uncertainty and tension that comes with trying to protect oneself in a way that is not necessarily healthy, but it’s what you know. I especially loved how you used the headlights in the first line:

the headlights only revealed the ugly in me.

To me, what the headlights represented was a situation that triggered a trauma response and now, you don’t know how to rectify the situation, so you run away and shut everyone out. I thought that was very creative and clever of you. You speak more on this topic towards the end of the poem where you write:

i worry there’s a grave with my name on it, and i’ve run too far for anyone to even know i’d be there…

You poignantly capture the sense of doom that is felt when consistently shutting people out and realizing that at some point, they do stop knocking on the door that you keep on locking. It’s scary and yet, it’s hard to stop because of the fear of being hurt.

The illogic of the subject’s actions was very interesting to me as well. It particularly showed itself in these two lines for me:

i know what blood tastes like, its copper bitterness addictively unappealing.

and

with the moon as my witness, know i did everything selfishly and selflessly.



For the first line, it shows that the subject has a history of biting and is familiar with hurting others even though they don’t like the taste of blood. I think this was a great way to communicate how hurting others to protect ourselves is addicting even when it doesn’t bring us any pleasure to do so. You need to see the “blood”, so you can know that you’ve done all you could to protect yourself. Otherwise, they may try to approach you and we can’t have that, can we?

I think this idea bleeds into the second line I mentioned as well. You run and bite because you want to preserve yourself (selfishness), but you also want to protect the people around you from seeing and experiencing the hurt you can cause (selflessness).

Ultimately, I thought this was a great poem and I hope to be able to write poems this nicely one day too!

Hai cherie :3

I'm here for that review!! A bit belated, sorry!!

Hmm, what I really love is that the fawn imagery never feels passive. It’s not just “poor innocent creature running away.” There’s a lot more attitude here, like there’s hunger and shame behind the imagery. I’m obsessed with that tension!! A fawn immediately evokes innocence, fragility, terror, but also I thought of the phrase “to fawn,” like appeasing someone, shrinking yourself, trying to survive by being gentle. That double meaning feels so perfect for this poem because the speaker is both animal and person, both victim and participant.

the headlights only revealed the ugly in me

What an opening!! The headlights image is brutal because it feels like exposure without mercy ~~ Not sunlight, not revelation in a major way, but a sudden artificial glare. It’s like being caught mid-flight and forced to see yourself as something panicked and grotesque. I love that the poem starts with being seen, because the rest of the poem is so much about running away from visibility, from recognition, from the possibility of being known.

like all prey, i ran and ran and ran,
but my fleeing was mistaken for hunting,

The repetition here works beautifully!! It feels instinctive, breathless, a little childish in its simplicity, which makes it hurt more. It makes the speaker’s fear feel bodily rather than intellectual. Like, this is not a carefully planned escape for them; it feels more like an urge that they've felt and gave into.

I also simply LOVE these lines. There’s something so devastating about being misread so completely, about having your fear interpreted as violence. It says so much about trauma, self-defense, guilt, and the way wounded people can be perceived as dangerous simply because they move like they’re desperate. That reversal is amazing!! The speaker is prey, but the world sees a predator... Oh my, that's really compelling!!

and while i am capable of biting, i never wanted
to bite anyone, much less you.

Aww!!

This is so tender and sad ~~ I really love the pause created by the line break after “wanted,” because it makes the confession feel reluctant. The speaker isn’t denying their capacity for harm, which makes the voice feel honest. They know they can bite. They know what blood tastes like, even. But wanting and doing are different things, and I thought this poem sits inside that difference. That’s such a mature emotional complexity, especially as the speaker is seen through varying different perspectives throughout!!

i know what blood tastes like, its copper bitterness
addictively unappealing.

!!!! This phrase is stunning!!

“Addictively unappealing” is SUCH a good contradiction. It captures that awful loop of returning to something that disgusts you, not because it’s pleasurable exactly, but because it has become familiar. The copper taste is visceral and intimate, and it gives the poem this mouth feeling that I really adore. It’s gross in a beautiful way, which is perfect for the subject.

^^^ I do wonder about “addictively unappealing” just because it’s such a conceptually strong phrase that I wanted maybe one more image around it. What does addiction look like for the fawn? Is it licking wounds? Is it returning to the road? Is it remembering the mouthful of blood even while starving? I don’t think you need to explain it, but I’d love to see the physical world of the poem carry that contradiction even further... Give us more!!

and i’ve run too far for anyone to even know i’d be there,

Ugh!! This is so lonely. The terror is not just dying, but dying beyond recognition ~~ No witness, no mourner, no one even knowing where to look. That connects beautifully back to the headlights at the start. The poem begins with being seen too harshly and ends with the fear of not being seen at all. That emotional arc is so strong, and I loved how it played out!!

perhaps it would have been better if i had been hit,
or shot, or even seen—but i bite, and i devour,
so, i run.

This ending is SO good!! The escalation from “hit” to “shot” to “seen” is fascinating because “seen” becomes as violent as physical harm, maybe even more intimate. That’s brilliant!! And then “but i bite, and i devour” brings the speaker back to that frightening self-knowledge. They are not harmless, and they absolutely aren't clean. But, somehow, they are still running. The final “so, i run” feels resigned, like the only ending available to them.

My biggest thought is that the poem is already emotionally cohesive, but I think you could make the transformation even more tangible: when does the fawn become something that devours? Is that transformation forced by fear? By love? By being misread? You already gesture toward all of that beautifully, but I think one more specific image between “blood tastes like”/"i bite, and i devour” could make the ending feel more complex.

Overall, this is so tender and feral and lonely!! Your voice reminds me a lot of confessional poets. Absolutely beautiful work!! ^_^

- Payton