"It may not be the pillow room,
But we'll make the best of it."
Could never have said it better myself
'Cause how can I forget?
***
Never heard it so nonchalant,
But how could I say no?
One leap from the desk to his bed
Was all it took to be zero inches far from him
***
We weren't officially college bound
That meant nothing at a quarter to midnight
In the dorm's air conditioning,
Some heat in Winter Park wouldn't hurt
***
His broad arms wrap around my sides
Pressing me against his thick chest
The skin on his wrists make my neck boil
I refuse to jump away from his soft embrace
***
He uses my head as his chin's chair,
And I could care less about that
The best part is when the clock strikes twelve
Once his hand grabs hold of the back of my head
***
Three times
Three times he kisses me lightly
Twice on the cheek
And once on the head that lasts the longest
***
So sweet, so fine
The best night of my life
It was short lived by half after
But I know I'll do it again
***
Huh?
Did you think this was about my first time?
Well, forgive me for misleading you with romantic poetry
But that will have to wait a few more years
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140,468 Literary Works • 673,237 Reviews
This was so .. For lack of a better word pretty. The images were all soft and beautiful, I think everyone wants their first time to have been this elegant and notebook-esque . "Fine" "lightly" "soft" all of these words you use aid this tone.
The poem is very conversational it feels like you're just speaking to a friend. It's very colloquial. Of I were you I would emphasize the relationship a bit more, but you were very clear in your subject matter and your layout is very visually pleasing.
Good job!
Hi, ccwritingrainbow. This is Pinkie here for a review.
This is a great poem. You gave a wonderful and clear message in this poem. The descriptions was wonderful. I can see the image of this poem when I read this. Also, the flow was great too. However, I don't know why you wrote that in the ending because I read a lot of your poems and reviewed one of them. Maybe you should keep the poem focusing on you are sharing a bed with someone that you loved. Anyway, this is a wonderful masterpiece. I enjoyed this poem a lot. I hope you write more. Well, have a nice day!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
I loved it! It was romantic and it brought a smile on my face
I liked how it flows. It doesn't give you description and I loved how you have the freedom and ability to imagine the things. So while not being so descriptive on the characters, you describe the scenes thoroughly and beautifully, creating a pattern of images in the readers mind. The poetry was outstanding and it was quirky; something that most poems lack. I liked the relationship between the characters and her reaction on him
Overall, nice job and I give this poem a nine out of ten.
This is awesome. I've never quite read a poem like this before.
It flowed beautifully, and the words are simple and fun.
The only thing that confuses me is the ending, haha. I definitely thought that this was a poem about the first time, unless you're being sarcastic at the end. Otherwise, it's leading me to wonder what this poem could possibly be about!!!
None the less, I loved it, and I'll make sure to check out some of your other work!
Keep being awesome!
Kendastic
Oh wow...
Wonderful, witty, whimsical. Lovely.
The structure, the flow of the lines, the descriptive words, the almost flip tone at the end?
This was very well done, and I appreciated every minute of it. In my humble opinion, everything was on point: no extraneous words, every line feeding into the next and building up the anticipation... and the delightful let-down.
Thank you!