Yes, it’s true
Stereotype all you want,
But I’ve seen it all
The truth comes out in tears
*
The time I’ve seen men cry the most
Was at a poetry place
Well, it was a class assignment,
But I’ve never seen so many guys step up
*
Alcoholism and drug use
Lost and true love
Regrets and first time fake outs
Those topics were common
*
Then, stepped up Logan
He was the cute, quiet guy of our class,
Who let his friends speak his thoughts for him
He was going to speak to the crowd for the first time that day
*
Anxiety
That was the last thing that came to mind about him
I watched him shiver, sniff, and croak
After the poem was done, it all came crashing down
*
Of course I wanted to say something
I just didn’t know what
All the men I knew had brave faces
Logan’s was the first I’ve seen eyes red
*
So you see that even boys cry
Stop treating him like a boy
And treat him like a man
Then, you’ll see his true colors
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Wolfie here for a quick review!
Don't worry about your punctuation. This is your poem, so you can choose to have punctuation or not. The important thing, though, is to stay consistent with this decision. In stanzas one, two, and four, you use commas at the end of certain lines, so I think that you should get rid of those entirely. The commas within each line are fine.
There were two little typos that I found...
This should be "man" instead of "men."
Hmmm... This doesn't make much sense. Maybe "Logan's was the first I've seen with eyes red" makes it a little bit better. I would play around with it to make it just right!
Otherwise, this was a nice poem! It could have used some more poetic elements, though. A touch of rhyme here and there would be great.
Your topic was very interesting and the title drew me in right away. Keep up the great work!
Hello ccwritingrainbow, welcome to YWS.
I am here for a mini review. I am not getting over-excited here!
First of all, I would say that you failed to use punctuation; it is someone very important in your poetry. And your poem is without any punctuation whatsoever, which makes it very difficult to flow easily.
Apart from that, there is no rhyme there at all; nothing wrong with it but yet a bit of inclusion will make your poem easy to understand and flow.
The message was good and the words you used in your poem were great. It is a nice piece of work you have done.
I look forward to see some rhymes and proper punctuation in your next works.
Keep writing.