Dear father,
You have always said that I’ve let you down. “I’ve always wanted a daughter and you ruined that for me,” you would tell me. But why? Was it for sympathy? Was it because you weren’t good enough for your father, and now I’m not good enough for you? Is this just another cycle in the sphere of life?
Well I’m sorry I couldn’t be that daughter you’ve always wanted. I’m sorry that you have raised me to stand up for my feelings and stand out for myself. I hate apologizing to you.
Do you know that you’ve only apologized to me twice?
“I’m sorry for jumping the gun like that.”
“I’m sorry for fighting in front of you.”
But neither of those apologies was for the beating. Neither of those was for the countless times you’ve made me cry, or the few times you’ve cried for sympathy.
Well I’m sorry I’m not like you! Stuck with this curse; always craving feelings that you shouldn’t be receiving. You are not worthy of sympathy, or guidance or love.
Your curse has destroyed all things I hold close. Now I fear that you have passed on your disease to me. I hate everyone around me, and everyone around me hates me. I used to smile and laugh but now I sit and stare; stare at others that look like how I used to. You took away my inner beauty, and that’s something you can’t get back no matter how old or young you grow.
You owe me something. Stop trying to give me money to repay me. You can’t make up for a wanted death, father! You can’t make up for it with gifts and praise. I know I suck at writing father, stop telling me I’m good.
I don’t want your cursed approval. I wanted it from the beginning, before it was contaminated. I wanted you to see, all of those times you and mother slept in different beds, that fighting and arguing is useless! Where does it get you? Deeper and deeper into that hole of hatred, that’s where.
You and mother can sink lower, and all those who argue with me can, too. But I won’t protest or beg for mercy. You disagree; have fun with it, because I’m not getting caught. You can cast that rod one too many times before you real in the mother; the mother who will destroy everything you thought was stable.
I don’t mean to act as if I have all the wisdom, but I do listen to other’s sorrows and cries. I listen to their feelings and hope one day they will listen to mine. But for now I have to write them in this letter until my heart has blossomed enough for them to leak through.
Please forgive me.
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This is kind of sort of a monologue? I did want it critiqued. lol
I disagree with a major point of this... you're a fabulous writer. So don't worry... it's not a lie. Really.
About everything else? I don't know if this helps, but if it makes you feel better, nothing is hopeless and it is possible to overcome all of this. I think Oprah said something like, "Rise above you you were raised." And I think that's a very fitting quote. ^_^
Also! Just because I'm an annoying mod... unless you want to have this critiqued, you may consider putting this in a blog instead.
I happen to know what it is like to have a father who doesn't appreciate you or care. You wrote this so well that I disagree with the above statment you made about your writing skills. You are a good writer and will always be. The thing to do now is to prove to him and everyone else that you can do what ever you want to do in the future. Have faith. If you ever want to talk to someone, PM me, that is all you need to do.
Don't think that way or you'll be just as bad off as me. You can find your inner beauty again if you just listen to it. You don't need to do the things that you do to have a temporary feeling of happiness in your life. You'll just end up needing more and more of it and perhaps go to even worse things.
If you think you suck at writing than fight hat thought by outdoing yourself. I'll try and help even though I'm not a very good writer myself.
I'm listening, and so are the others who are reading this.
- The King of Insanity
I'm so, so sorry that things are so difficult for you.
I admire you for putting this out here for all to read. It feels wrong to critique something so personal, and others have already covered the few things that came to mind, so I'll just offer you a (HUG)!
Oh, Sammi! I had no idea things were so bad. *hugs*
I thought this letter was well-written. I could really feel the emotion that it took to write this, and it almost brought me to tears. A few nitpicks that I had:
I'd leave this out. Even if it's truly how you feel, your father isn't going to like it. If you're not going to give this to him, still write it as if you are.
I think I know what you're trying to say, but you should probably rephrase it. You are a good writer, but you just want better advice. So you could say something along the lines of, "I want you to talk about it with me. Just don't say it's good then dismiss it."
Anyway, Sammi, I really liked this.
You can always PM me if you ever need to talk, you know that?
In the meantime, feel better hun!
-Elinor xo
I think you are good at writing non fiction.
I strongly disagree with this statement because you are a good writer.I think a lot of people can relate to the situation described in this piece.It was emotional and your voice came out in the piece.I do have one suggestion I think you could rephrase stand out for myself, I think something like I dare to be an individual would be better. Life will get better. Hang in there. Fiction.