This Is For Real (part 1)

Influenced by the song "This Is For Real" by Motion City Soundtrack. For Forestqueens contest.

This Is For Real

“Justin, I don’t think I can see you anymore.” She looked down, not wanting to show her love the hurt in her eyes. Of course she didn't want to break up with him; Stella was on a mission. She didn't want to break his heart, but if it was the only thing he would listen to then… “I don’t want to be around you when you’re like this. You can’t even talk.”

Justin’s vision was spinning. He hated everything about himself, the addiction, the money wasted on drugs that only lasted a few hours, the abuse… but Stella breaking up with him was worse than any of that. She was the only one who made him feel better. When Justin and Stella were together, he didn't even have the urge to smoke, drink, or mentally beat himself to the ground.

“I can talk, Stella!” He rose from the lawn chair in his friend, Mike’s, backyard. He realized as soon as he spoke that his words were slurred, and, maybe, he had drank more than he thought. Justin dropped his beer on the floor and swung his arms in the air, “I’m fine!”

She just shook her head, fighting back tears. She told herself not to cry, but it was so hard to see her love this way. She needed the break up to look like it wasn’t a big deal; at least to her. He needed to feel the same amount of pain she did when she found him wasted at his friend’s house. “You’re not!” She screamed, hoping everyone in the backyard was watching and listening. This needed to be big. “I can’t deal with you like this.” She tried to keep to her mental script, but her real emotions broke through. She whispered in a straight voice, “It hurts me, Justin.”

His small blood-shot brown eyes tried to catch her large blues, but she wouldn’t look at his pale face. She didn't want to risk a forgiving look.

“Stella,” He tried to reach out to her, but she backed away and folded her arms over her chest. Justin noticed she was wearing his beat-up brown leather jacket.

“Justin, please, don’t make this hard for me.” She looked at the grass below them, her brown hair flowing in front of her flushed face, shining from the moonlight above them.

“But, you are the only one that can help.” Stella looked at him for the first time that night. She looked at his face, tears practically flushing from his pores. Justin reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She was crying, harder than she ever had been before.

“I-I’m sorry.” And she ran out, not looking back.

Justin’s eyes wouldn’t stay straight. They kept spinning in circles until he was lying on the floor, staring up at the moon.

* * *

“Justin, buddy, wake up.” Justin shot his head up and smacked it into Mikes. He started shivering. For some reason, he was in Mike’s backyard in a lawn chair, and it was morning.

Justin rubbed his head, “Why am I here?”

“You passed out after-“ he stopped and bit his lip nervously.

“What?” Justin sat up and walked into Mike’s kitchen.

“Do you remember last night?” Mike asked in a voice that was too high, and rubbed the back of his head.

“No. Why, did Stella show up? I’m sorry if there was any trouble. Yesterday was a bad day.”

“Worse than you think…” Mike mumbled. He walked over to his dining room table and sat down. Justin grabbed the orange juice and poured himself a glass.

“What do you mean?”

“Justin, Stella broke up with you.”

Glass and orange juice shattered on the floor in front of him. “What?”

Mike just shook his head. “Listen, Marissa’s coming back soon; do you think you could head home?” Mike rose and patted Justin on the back.

“Yeah, sure.”

She broke up with me? No, she couldn’t have. This was all a misunderstanding. She would never… she knows how much I need her. Justin’s mind didn't stop until he reached his front door. He stood in front of it, staring for some time. Finally, he quietly slipped through it and ran straight to his room, hoping his father hadn’t noticed he’d been out all night. Last time he had stayed out all night, Justin’s dad had thrown him down the stairs, just before he kicked him out of the house. Justin didn’t go home for a month after that. He had spent his days in Mike’s backyard, snuck into Stella’s house at ten, left at six in the morning, and headed back to Mike’s house.

Justin took his cell out of his pocket once he was safely behind the bars of his bedroom. He had four missed calls, all from Stella. Without checking when she had called, the phone was already ringing.

“Hello?” Her sweet voice echoed through the speaker.

“Stella, its Justin.”

“Oh.”

Why the silence? “So, did you want to hang out tonight?” He smiled, just thinking about grabbing a cup of coffee, seeing a movie, even watching HBO with Stella was wonderful.

She sighed, “You don’t remember last night at all, do you?”

“No. I was pretty gone.” Justin tried to laugh it off, but she remained silent. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah. I broke up with you.” Justin clutched the phone so hard his hand started to turn red. Justin was glad Stella couldn’t see him because his eyes became moist, and he couldn’t control it. The last time he had cried was when his mom left for California without him.

“Why? If it’s about the drinking and smoking, I will stop, okay? Please, Stella.”

“Justin, you have said this so many times. I can’t do it anymore.” Stella sat down on her bed. She could almost see Justin shaking, like he had last night. Her heart thumped just thinking about it. She was breaking his heart. But, it was just to help him.

“No,” he rubbed his forehead. “Please, Stella. You’re the best think I’ve ever had…”

“I have to go. My mom’s coming.” She clicked off before he could say goodbye.