I’m up early,
Way before school.
To watch the sunrise.
Don’t tell anybody.
That ruins it.
The grumpy moonlight clouds,
Shove and growl,
Away.
To show the glittery sun.
Glancing over the mountain,
Checking the coast.
It’s clear.
He leaps up and grins.
The birds pop into a chorus,
They’ve been waiting all night.
And so have I.
But soon the enchantment is over.
My parent’s alarm goes off,
And I tiptoe back to bed.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,992 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey Cammie! xD
Waddup? ^^
I think you need to work on the stanza. But it was Lovely!
Corrections:
#1:
I like the 'Away'. Gives a good meaning. Keeping a secret to watch the sunrise? I don't think anybody would find that wrong
Hehe
#2:
Oh... "Checking the coast. It's clear."
It sounds so creepy but really you gave me that feeling. LOVED THAT LINE!
#3:
You're second last lines are all wonderful!
Keep it up!
#4:
Job Well Done.
I think what I found wrong is stanza's.
One's big and then the other one turns out small.
Let it be equal.
Giving this a 9/10
Cheers,
Cookie or LM
Hmm... I like this poem, not as much as your others I have to say. I only have one little correction to make, and apart from that, I liked it. Very simple, sweet and pretty well written.
I don't like the use of the word pop. It sounded a little 'off' to me. Maybe it might be better if you use something like burst or explode. Not anything really important, but I think it might be worth mentioning. I don't usually like when someone has a poem with long sentences and then all of a sudden the next line is just one word. But it was really nice with your poem and you did it twice which made it fit. Good job.Deanie x
Great poem!
I think it really captures the beauty of being alone and the appreciation of nature. However, I did find some of the sentences to be a bit choppy. I adored the use of personification, though! Keep writing! I'd love to hear more from you as you've already proven to be quite talented!
i do like your poem. although im not quite a fan of some of the sentences which end in just a word. but that is just me
I really love the personification on this one! It's simple and refreshing to read, and I enjoyed how the beginning and end come around full circle.
Overall I really like this poem it was cute and I liked how you personified the sun and the clouds, I also like the idea of this poem and watching the sunrise secretly. Thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly