He is the lonely stranger that travels everywhere.
The parasite carried by greedy hosts.
The simplicity of something so complex.
He has a perfect home behind him,
But he doesn’t want to live anywhere.
A hard-core hobo.
He is the scholar perceived as worthless.
He is as if he knows the truth to a thousand lies.
Maybe he does.
He speaks both Latin and English,
But he only knows a few words of each.
He is the spy in disguise.
His worn, copper coat covers him like armor
For the most terrifying journeys.
Along the way he absorbs information,
Collecting bits and pieces,
He is solving the mystery.
But all you see is a penny in the gutter.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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138,055 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hi there!
All right, a poem written entirely as a metaphor, can't wait to read it! My comments are in red below.
This was a great poem! I really enjoyed it. The whole thing is one giant metaphor, which I love! Great job with this. Keep writing!
I am IN LOVE with this poem. The metaphor is awesome. I also think it's an awfully original idea. Great job!
I don't understand the part about the truth of a thousand lies. Like he's (it's) always there to see the truth? It seems out of place.So clever! I love this line.
I also liked this metaphor. Armor is a fitting thing here, is it not?
And the end line is very good, it leaves you with something to think about. I'm impressed. Keep on writing, this was brilliant.
I liked this poem. It was shorter than your other one 'Stranger' but they were both connected at in the fact that they were about objects. I think that you have mastered poems about objects
You are really good at writing those, hopefully you'll write more on that subject!
As usual with your writing, I cannot spot any flaws. I will state my favourite verse though:
That is a beautiful opening verse, I love it so much. I think your end verse was not as strong as your opening one though. My favourite line in that verse is the second. Really well done.
Deanie x
This poem was very interesting to read. Very creative. You turned a boring subject into a mysterious story, and I applaud you for that. The imagery was also great, though it kept changing suddenly.
In the first stanza, the one word lines were cool, but didn't really fit with the rest of the poem. Also, I don't really understand how they describe loose change; I've never thought of it being captive or anything of the sort.
The second stanza is nicely written and gives an ominous feeling, with the last line adding a little humor.
I don't understand the third stanza to say anything about it.
The last stanza is worded with some brilliantly chosen words. After pieces, however, should be a semi-colon.
The very last line of the poem has an air of finality, which is important to capture.
Everything else has been said above.
Keep up the nice work.
--Brandon
Xoxo
I kind of agree with tgirl because the last line was a bit of a downer for me too. One of the main things for me though is the fact that if I didn't know the title I would be thinking what-in-the-world-is-this-supposed-to-be-about. Some people might think that it is okay that it's like that but I'm one of those people that just HAS to know what something is actually about without reading the title. But then again that's just my opinion. Keep writing
The penny's backdrop is the Lincoln Monument, not the White House. So, there's that.
This is factually incorrect, unless you are talking about the reverse of the coin, in which, in the most recent pennies, the Lincoln Monument, (with Lincoln barely noticeable) is depicted.Also, Lincoln's is the only face that faces right, instead of left, as most coins face. This is because the left side of his face had a condition called cranial facial microsomia. This made the left side of his face smaller than the other. Perhaps you could mention that, because he does face backwards.
I didn't really like the poem, it seemed quickly done, with not much thought.
This is a better piece than your one about the raindrops. A much better, more interesting topic. You had some really good lines in there too. Some good allusions and metaphors. One thing I think you could change is remove the description. It's a dead giveaway. Like I said earlier, you want to make your poem a puzzle, and the description gives it away too soon and too easily.
I like it, though I don't completely understand the last line and I feel like it could have more rythm. Another great poem by Cammie. I think you should have more one-word-per-line-stanzas other than at the beginning, to make it fit in more.