Stranger

I was a little confused with the hush, hush thing going on there. Or is the reason for that a hush, hush topic ; ). Anyways, loved it! I liked the sudden swerve at the end about how it's not a man... but a light. I loved the description, I love ballerinas! Because I happen to be one myself :3. Overall, loved it, and I'd love to read more! : )

Hi there!

Like a few people have already mentioned, stopping at the end of each sentence can be quite annoying and confusing to the reader, so try to avoid it as much as possible. Also, some of your sentences can be put together to make a whole one. Otherwise I really liked this, and it's very impressive for a 12 year old. Keep up the good work! And keep writing!(:

I really liked this poem. I had to read it again after I read the ending. I have never really read a poem like this, and I loved it. The metaphors are awesome. I love metaphors, but I kind of suck at them, so reading this was cool.

I have the same pointers as Artemis, Justtrying, and Aadesh. All those periods made it choppy and you don't want that. It stops the beauty and the flow of the poem.

The repetitive "Hush, hush. Hush, hush." was cool. I really liked that and added a characteristic, unique touch to the poem.

Just remember the choppiness and the punctuation and your poems will be beautiful as this one...and as creative. Keep writing poems like this, cause people like me who suck at metaphors like to read them. Thanks for writing this. This has to be one of my most favorite poems now. I swear! It's up there with Alone by Maya Angelou, and that's saying something cause she is amazing. Thanks so much. Completely loved it!

The most unexpected ending of a poem I have ever read. I was so shocked, I read it like three times just to make sure I'd read that last line right. What that means is either I'm just a little...slow or you did a really good job personifying that traffic light(I'm inclined to go with the latter, for my confidences sake). I loved how your poem gave something simple a dark and compelling voice.
I don't use punctuation in poetry all that much, which means that I didn't really notice it in yours, but I can see their point. Just look for the most important and powerful lines in your poem and put varying degrees(period, semicolon, comma) of punctuation on it, depending on how you want your poem to flow.

Alo there!

Amazing poem, I must say, espically coming from a twelve year old! As Aadesh said, you shouldn't put a fullstop at every line. That tends to confuse the reader a bit.
Like. Imagine. Trying. To. Read. This. In. Bits. And. Peices. Very. Annoying. Is. It. Not. ?

Also, this paragraph:

I feel pain in his soul.
Made of hard wires and cables.
But it has a spark.
He will never.
Let.
Go.
Hush, hush. Hush, hush.

He will never. (commar)
Let go. (put it together.)

There are many a times you emphatized things a bit too much, (putting them in separate lines.) which is very annoying. I really wanted abandon the poem, and move on with my life and forget about it. Its that annoying.

But what I really liked, was the smartness behind it. You talked about it like a human, but then towards the last couple of paragraphs you started asking wheather it is a human or not, and in the end, its a traffic light. So the concept, choice of words and the intenstional repetition of "Hush, hush. Hush, hush." was amazing.

I would really love to hear more from you, Cammie.
Keep it up!

-Justtrying.

The poem was good. Actually it's pretty awesome for your age. But there are certain point's you may want to keep in mind. A full stop is not required after every sentence. And the one word lines can be combines to create a better imagery. All in all a good piece of work. Kudos! =)