Into Heaven

by cammie

Published June 14, 2011

In poems

I swoop upward
Carving a perfect arc
Headed up to heaven
Headed to perfect skies
Closing my eyes
Sweeping just above the water
Swooping up into the wind
My journey is unknown
Traveling high above
Into the navy sky with
Paint splattered clouds
Twisting upward
Wind streaks back my feathers
Slowly turning back toward the earth
See a longing human
Wishing to fly like me
To the moon at night
To the sun at day
And I look at him
Sadly
Before I soar off
Into heaven

Spoiler! :
This poem was inspried by KiD CuDi's Mr. Rager. Try reading it while you have the song playing in the backgriund. It has sort of the same style and rhythm.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Jul 13, 2011

I really like this poem. I like how you are swooping up so high and looking down at all the sad humans that aren't as happy is you.

cammie wrote:See a longing human
Wishing to fly like me
To the moon at night
To the sun at day
And I look at him
Sadly
Before I soar off Into heaven


My favourite verse. Good job and keep on writing!

User avatar
sarebear
Review
sarebear wrote a review Review · Jun 15, 2011

Hey there,

Liked your poem! First off I have a few nitpicks:

I swoop upward
Carving a perfect arc
Headed up to heaven
Headed to the perfect skies
Closing my eyes
Sweeping just above the water
Swooping up into the sun love these two lines!
My journey is unknown
Traveling high above
Into the navy sky with
Paint splattered clouds :)
Twisting upward
Wind streaks back my feathers
Slowly turning back toward the earth
See a longing human
Wishing to fly like me
To the moon at night
To the sun at day
And I look at him
Sadly
Before I soar off
Into heaven


Very nice! As sassykat said, great imagery. I liked your perspective, looking down at the human. And your style is beautiful, not too complex, not forced, very stream-of-consciousness. Nice work!

Sare

User avatar
AlmondEyes
Comment
AlmondEyes commented Comment · Jun 14, 2011

i liked your poem. it wuz very interesting. keep writing!!

User avatar
Sassykat
Comment
Sassykat commented Comment · Jun 14, 2011

One think to point out: If you are going up, into heaven, what's with the "Swooping Low," part at the beginning? Just a thought. The imagery was great in this piece, a nice read and made me feel good. Awesome job.



But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane