Whisps.
Glances of faces.
Rolling away.
Vanished on a busy bus.
Fragments.
Pieces of a life once loved.
Scattered around.
Misplaced in a box of photos.
Pieces.
Blown by the wind.
Changing color and hue.
Leaves rustled from their tree.
Scribbles.
Letters left behind.
Rejected, replaced.
Stories unfinished and abandoned.
Whispers.
Rumors and myths.
Lies believed to be truth.
Speech lost in a school hallway.
Portions.
Slivers and chunks.
Sweet and crusty with whipped cream.
Hot pie on an icy winter night.
All these memories.
Piled together.
Lost, forgotten or pushed aside.
Though they always linger.
Mist in a human mind.
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Canary word: Present
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140,940 Literary Works • 673,771 Reviews
Hmmm... this poem was okay. It was good, but comparing it to your other poems it isn't as strong. I think maybe you could have done better. (I hope that didn't sound too harsh... I hate it when people get the wrong impression) But it all flowed nicely and I liked the way each verse started with one word. The end verse summed it up pretty good.
This was my favourite verse because it showed how the memories were in fragments, but they still were stored in the same place. Kept away for the future. It kind of reminded me of my memory box. I guess thats why I loved it so much.
Deanie x
ok, thanks for the reveiws! but if i shou;dn't arrange it that way, how should i?
Hi,
This is really good. I don't personally like how you arranged it. Otherwise, there are no errors.
Farewell,
A.
This piece is actually very good. Well written. Simple and to the point, but tells a good story.
It may seem as though short fragments don't hold a lot of meaning, but they are what create the dramatic edge and tension in poetry and stories.
You did well on this. Whether this is your best or not, I wouldn't know. Just know that this was quite good though.
-Brie
thanks guys! i really didn't think this one was too great... i wrote it two years ago! but i though i'd post it anyway and just see what kind of feedback i'd get. thanks so much for reveiwing it and i'm glad you liked it!
I'm not good at the 'nit picky' sort of stuff, so I'll just say what I like about your poem! I loved it. It - like KatarinaLatisse said- has a very nice flow to it. It rolls of my tongue with ease and I can read it over and over again with out getting tired of it.
^ LOVE that verse. It's great.
I can't wait to read more of your writing. Keep it up!
~JustMe
Well, I don't really have any helpful advice, just wanted to let you know that I really liked your piece! It has a nice flow to it, a little forlorn like fading memories. Your style of poetry is different than what I'm used to, but I really enjoyed your originality!
<..> Kat