Rachel is getting married.
The Genesis verse echoes around the halls of our house:
“It is not done in our place, to give the younger before the first-born.”
But it is 2017, years and kilometers away from Haran,
and this Rachel has no misgivings about bucking tradition.
And why should she?
Leah, not only uninterested in that Jacob,
but in all Jacobs,
has no stake to claim.
And all the years and kilometers away from Haran are not enough.
Because even in 2017, if Leah were to run away
with a Bilhah or a Zilpah,
she would be cut off from the tribe.
So she stays in her tent,
silently, weeping,
putting her hopes in the roots of mandrakes
as her eyes redden
and her tears flow into the Euphrates
as she watches Rachel walk down the aisle
towards the camel where her sister hid their father’s idols.
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139,608 Literary Works • 672,618 Reviews
Hi,
Nice poem. I loved the concept. I loved the genesis part. Wow totally nice piece of work. The starting is good, graph is high, you did an amazing job as a poet. I loved the line, great effect:
"The Genesis verse echoes around the halls of our house:
“It is not done in our place, to give the younger before the first-born.”
But it is 2017, years and kilometers away from Haran,
and this Rachel has no misgivings about bucking tradition."
Wow what a poetry!
Keep up the good work!
Hey there, review coming from Team Marlins!
Pretty much late to consider telling that I am either a religious person or someone who deeply believes in a power that we can not see but can feel, exspecially in need. But even I pray sometimes when nothing else can actually help in a bad moment. Who would not? I agree with previous reviews that it is hard to understand the concept of your work at first and I still have problems understanding it. But I guess every each individual sees it differently.
For a moment I thought it is about one simple wedding tradition and argues in between elders who are believers and the one who needs to be married, Rachiel, who does not want to marry to the one they are going to choose for her. Something like forced marriage. But I still could not picture it perfectly.
What I can say for sure is that there is queer thing going on, right? Which I totally fancy. Who would not like some sweetness in their life? I find work to be connected with how God needs to expect people to love each other in all ways, not only by what is in their pants. I find this work like a lesson to the ones who hate to admit that people like gays even exist on this planet. But we all need to accept that even if God might not accept those type of couples, we should. And maybe God accepts them, we just think he does not. Has he not told us that you need to love the ones you love because of what they are, because of their real them and not the looks, not the outside features.
It was a great read and I am glad I got to check it out.
Keep on writing!
Hello, beccalicious94! Just here to review for review day for team Marlins!
So it took me awhile to understand what the meaning of this poem was. At first glance it doesn't seem like much, but I believe I understand now that it's an LGBTQ+ poem. I believe in God, however, I wouldn't consider myself religious... though I have read the Bible. To me it's sad that in the past people who had feelings for the same sex were shunned or cheated as less than human compared to people who were "normal". It almost makes me happy people are gay or whatever... but my feelings are very mixed on the subject.
Yes, it was a good work, and kind of eye-opening at that with a hint of sadness as well as some humor. However, is it really poetry--and if it is, it's not what I consider poetry. It almost seems like a really short short story. It doesn't rhyme... although it doesn't have to, it doesn't have a specific meter that I can pick out from what I see clearly here, and it's very informal I'd say.
I do agree with Kay that you should omit the unnecessary and's ect. I think that would add to the charm, but again that is for you to decide.
Anyway, that's all I believe I have to say without repeating anything someone else has already said. Have a good day, and if I glossed over something feel free to ask me about it!
~Ruby
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day!
So I'm not religious, or to be more specific, I haven't read a lot of the Bible. I only know some, which is what I've picked up by research or by what I've read on my own time out of curiosity. I do know that this is a twist on a Bible story, though? I'm unsure of the details and I can guarantee that this makes more sense for the people who have actually read where you're taking root from.
People who understand the context in which this story is being told. While it's easier to understand for those people (and I would like to read where this originally sprouted from) that doesn't mean I can't critique and enjoy this poem! There's something that I noticed throughout--a lot of your lines, or a couple of them are started with the word 'and' when they don't need to be.
I've seen people go through this phase in their writing where they're enamored with the word and tend to overuse it. I wanted to say that most of these uses are unnecessary and can probably be edited out for an even better flow of the piece. I'll go ahead and give two prominent examples I found here below:
The 'and' doesn't need to be there, so this one is a little more optional, just wanted to mention it though.
This is the one that I specifically wanted to point out, though 'and' isn't the only unnecessary word in this poem. Starting lines with words like 'so', 'because', and 'but' is also something that you often don't need to do. There's a reason that the acronym S.T.A.B exists. So, To, And, Because/But. Those are the words I learned when I was little were difficult to start a sentence or line with. And to an extent, it's true if you don't know what you're doing. I'm not saying you don't, but it still slips by, even for me and even if it originally sounds nice. It's really your stylistic choice all in all, though I try to avoid them in my writing since they tend to clog up the flow.
The first stanza I have to say is a strong one to start out with. This is well executed without having to immediately resource to imagery or poetic devices and rather takes on a focus of retelling an already-made story and making it queer, which is awesome. The flow in the last stanza is a little off-putting to me, though other than that, I found this to be a pretty solid poem!
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day, darling.
Oh, wow. Zing! Bam. Unexpected. I liked the description of this as "the Biblical tale retold for modern day," so I had to come read it. I didn't expect it to be an LGBT thing! Unfortunately I don't have a real review for you today, but I just wanted to let you know I thought it was really good. Interesting. And heartbreaking.
Thank you! Queering the bible is always fun. XD
Heh heh heh you're welcome!