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18+ Mature Content

Handfuls of sand

by beccalicious94

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Doctors can detect neurological disorders by the way we grab for things.
Having a grasp reflex, like a child, can often indicate a tumor.
But, I'm a grabber.
I grab the warm brown specks of dust at the beach.
I hold the sand in my hand even though I know it will fall out. I like how it feels as it exits my hands--reminding me that like life, we can only hold on for so long.
So, I grab and I grab.
For ambition, for grades, for that job, for the just right apartment and the perfect partner.
For your right breast, like the pledge of allegiance, it's too soon, but you don't say anything.
For your last name.
And just like that another chance encounter fades as we meet the settled darkness and the subway delays.
Alone on the empty cars I grasp for a sense of belonging, an impossible task.
Asking for understanding while everyone's asleep--contemplating the meaning of life at a time that doesn't exist to sleepers and shopkeepers and all who perform service for Father Time.
And so, I grasp for myself, buried in cumulus clouds of consciousness, hoping for some strength in the morning with the hangover of living.

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176 Reviews

Points: 1983
Reviews: 176

Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:27 pm
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sheysse wrote a review...

Sheyren's Review

Hey there! \(^。^ ) Shey here for a review!

Overall, this was a beautifully written poem, and I am honestly impressed with it. The narrator felt understandable, and realistic, like he/she was a real person and was telling a real story. Being able to seem realistic when actually telling total fiction is always difficult, and it is a great thing that you can do it.

My only comment for this is the format. It has no stanza spacing, and it looks like one big bulge of words. At first glance, that can seem intimidating, making people less likely to want to click on it. My suggestion is to just add stanzas. The formatting on here can be bugged, so what you can do is use asterisks as a spacer if necessary. Another thing you should do is split lines in more appropriate places. Some of your lines were so filled with words that it looked like a regular paragraph, which is not desireable in poetry.

Other than thay, wonderful poem! Keep up the great work, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!


User avatar
80 Reviews

Points: 4
Reviews: 80

Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:22 am
VegasLights wrote a review...

Hello, beccalicious94. Steam1244 here to give you a review. Overall, I loved your poem, it was magnificent. I loved the way you opened your poem. How you use that to lead the poem on, and the ways you thought of things were really cool. Then it goes to alone, I also love there is one transition to another. My favorite part was about the sand. It was my favorite part because it is very relatable, that is just the way I feel. I realize that everyone has different opinions, and that yours and mine might not be the same. So, I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!

Keep Writing,

Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman