I am the perfect green grape that rolls on the floor of the subway--
beautiful, intact, spotless, but wandering around bacteria and grime and footprints.
For a moment, a stop at 34th street, reprieve--
and then as we head downtown on the express train,
I roll with a vicious velocity right into the door separating one subway car from the next.
‘Do not lean on door’ the metal barricade reads.
Does this apply to perishable fruit as well?
I weave in between sneakers and clogs and flip flops.
New Yorkers are known for judging people based on their shoes,
and I try and discern which shoes to avoid in the hopes of not getting squished.
As we pull into Coney Island for the night,
I breathe, and fall asleep, waiting to see if I can survive another day in New York with my skin still on.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,620 Reviews
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!
I keep meaning to drop in for a review on this poem, though I also keep forgetting to stop by! I'm here now, though, and the first comment I wanted to make is on the title. I love it. I giggled even though I haven't necessarily read the novel that the pun is based off of, since it's pretty applicable to be a silly title anyway. The first two lines here are wonderful and the metaphor that is set up almost immediately is one that I enjoyed quite a bit. We're already tied in to the title too, which is nice.
I have to mention that the second stanza is a little confusing to me, particularly the bit where you use 'we' instead of 'I' and I'm wondering why you do this since this is the only instance in the poem where you're suggesting that there's another person or other people. I suggest editing or reworking this part unless you're going to incorporate these other people or other person into the rest of the poem, even if it is only metaphorical.
Regardless of that issue, I still enjoyed the second stanza and generally the whole poem is pretty interesting. Even if the sole idea or concept of this piece of yours is interesting, you expand on this and make it even more interesting by banking on the idea of writing from the perspective of a grape. I have to say that the structure here is a little odd and I'd like to see the last line of the poem split into two though since it does drag on a little too long, at least for my liking.
The first line of the second stanza is also something that I suggest reworking, though this is more because it's worded awkwardly more than anything else. I found this to be pretty well-executed and while it's humorous, there's still some theme to be found behind this! I enjoy that. I admit this reminds me a bit of a song from a band that I sometimes listen to, 'New York, I love you but you're bringing me down' by LCD Soundsystem because of the whole city/subway feel to this. I enjoy the atmosphere in this poem of that too. Overall, a nice job, Becca!
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
Hi beccalicious94! Tom here with a late night review for ya
I really enjoyed this as the humorous poem it was intended to be! I'm a sucker for deeply emotional poetry, with deep meanings that you have to really read multiple times to see, but I ate this right up
It honestly wasn't what I was expecting. I expect more lines filled with humor, or maybe even punchlines; ridiculous statements. But instead you took me on a journey through the eyes of a grape in New York City! I love how you personified it. You took the grape through multiple human endeavors, that seem monumentally challenging for a mere grape.
To me, the great part in this is that it's an actual story about a grape. Not just some silly description. It has slight humor that is smartly placed here and there, while the humor is the story itself. You get pulled into watching a grape's day through it's eyes and actually wanting to get to the next line instead of stopping and going, "wait? this is a grape? what am I doing?"
In that regards, I say very well done! I haven't seen enough of your stuff yet to know your usual style, but I'd love to see more like this out of you in the future!
-Tom
This is a great poem. It is funny unique and original. I am picturing this in a children's book with illustrations. I especially like the part at the end
"I breathe, and fall asleep, waiting to see if I can survive another day in New York with my skin still on."
Nice job!
Hi!
I'd just like to say, this is honestly so hilarious!
I especially loved the line "Does this apply to perishable fruit as well?"
And the title is just too punny.
Thank you so much for this. It honestly made my day.
Hi beccalicious94!
I've never read a poem like this before! It's an interesting idea. I'm surprised to say, I like it! Just a question - (if grapes could think...) would they fall asleep? But then, as none of this is true, and it's your poem, I guess it can be however you imagine it!
Perhaps, you could describe the carriages, or something like that? But really, I guess I'm trying to suggest stuff when there's nothing to suggest. Keep writing!