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Ghazal for Her

by beccalicious94


Sitting under a tree, unsure, drinking lemonade, all is easy Breezy, new and fresh, eating a crisp red apple, fall is easy

Chilly, bundling up all cozy in a ball of sweaters, life is easy Darker, see the stars, winter’s first snowflakes, love is easy

Melting, the floes under feet turn to weeds, birth is easy Springing from the ground—a new unrecognizable life form, change is easy

Scorching, blazing sun blaring—red hot hot hot, fire is easy Heat burns in excess and flesh is too susceptible, the trap is easy

The weatherless vacuum in your mind where her and Rebecca exist is easy But life on Earth, with gravity and drag and resistance and you is not easy.

You are not easy. 


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Fri Nov 29, 2019 4:51 pm
Jude085 wrote a review...



First, I will start with my favourite line - "You are not easy". How you compared the hard and easy things and concluded with the last line. writing in long sentences serve the purpose. i like the way you created the analogy of the apple falling or gravity scene. Just a suggestion to replace the line -
"fire is easy Heat burns in excess"
to
"fire is easy, heart burns in excess"
just a food for thought.
Overall, The poem is marvelous. I really like this concept.




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Fri Nov 29, 2019 3:35 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Good morning!

The way you tie in the seasonal changes of the year into a relatable scenario is incredible. You're able to describe a season with serenity, and then proceed in the calendar year through the seasons with everchanging moods and tones to lead up to the end. It's really, really cool how you did that.

I really love how you described each season, too. You really give them their own personalities while also projecting beautiful imagery.

It was really interesting how you chose to avoid linebreaks and periods at all, making this feel like one large run-on sentence. It certainly kept the flow going as if the progression of the year is constantly changing at a distinct pace. I don't know if I was able to follow some of the phrasing as well, though, like where the Breezy/Darker/Springing/Heat lines would begin. Even if this wasn't an end to a thought, it doesn't really work grammatically where it stands. I kinda found myself rereading bits and pieces for the sake of fluidity, trying to figure out the flow of these phrases together when given little guidance in punctuation and formatting.

The repetition of the "blank is easy" line is really well done and, like I keep saying, really does well in projecting the progression of change over time. And the way the poem flips at the end and still manages to use that line effectively is really awesome.

It's so curious the scenario this poem speaks about. The speaker is talking to somebody about a separate couple of people in their head, which means there's collectively four people involved in this poem. It's so peculiar and intriguing and I'm so sad I didn't get more to clarify the kind of change this poem is trying to discuss. I think it inevitably left me just wanting more, and perhaps there's a way to tie up just a liiiittle more of its details into the poem would help identify the scenario this piece is trying to portray.

Beautiful poem, though! You have a knack for phrasing and flow that I certainly cannot produce. Your imagery is just to die for, and the way it ties into the theme is breathtaking. <3

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!






Thank you! <3



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Thu Nov 28, 2019 12:43 am
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dahlia58 wrote a review...



"You are not easy" is the line I like best in this poem. I really enjoyed the way you used the changing seasons to describe scenes in the lovers' life together. I also found it interesting how "is easy" turns into "is not easy" as the poem goes on. Obvious question, I know, but who is Rebecca?

This was a good read.




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Wed Nov 27, 2019 7:57 pm
Raelyn wrote a review...



I love the feeling of the season changing. There is also a lot of raw emotion and I really appreciate that. It feels like your talking about the real deeper subject. The imagery and description here are so impactful. I really could connect to your character I felt like I was the one sitting underneath the tree and going through these feelings. I love how you incorporated pretty much all of the senses.




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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:06 pm
LZPianoGirl says...



I could feel the seasons changing when I read this. The poem is very descriptive and you can really feel the seasons. I really liked the ending and think it easily sums up this piece. The title is quirky, which is wonderful. Keep on writing poems, I look forward to reading them.




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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:05 pm
LZPianoGirl says...



I could feel the seasons changing when I read this. The poem is very descriptive and you can really feel the seasons. I really liked the ending and think it easily sums up this piece. The title is quirky, which is wonderful. It really drew me in to reading this. Keep on writing poems, I look forward to reading them.




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Wed Nov 27, 2019 11:19 am
hannaaullmann says...



I loved the feeling that this writing gave me. I could feel the seasons changing and chills on my skin. I really like the ending "You are not easy". The title is unique and fits very well to the text. Thank you so much for sharing.

Never stop writing, you really have it in you!
-Hanna





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