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Bad Begets Bad

by beccalicious94


I don’t want bad things to happen to you,
but I also don’t not want them.

After you hurt me,
you told me that someone had stolen your bike.
As if that was the karma the universe was dishing out to you.
You can buy a new bike, but you can’t buy a new heart.

“One transgression brings another transgression,”
as it is said in Ethics of our Fathers.

I don’t want you to be happy.
I don’t want you to move on.
I hope you see my face before you go to sleep.
I hope I see you at Pride, alone, as I predicted before it ended.
I hope you blink before I do.
I hope you’re also counting the days since it ended.
I hope you’re deciding if you should reach out.
I loved you 37 days ago. I loved you 38 days ago.

I hope when I came into your life I expanded your rib cage.
I hope you could breathe more than you ever thought you could.
I hope you now carry around brown paper bags and inhalers.
I hope your medical alert necklace reads, “has trouble breathing.”

I hope you stare at the indentation on your bed where I used to sleep.
I hope you steal the comforter from yourself, just like I used to.
I hope you mimic all my actions, pretending I am there.
You didn’t want me when I was there, I want to haunt you.
I want you to wish you acted differently.
I want you to find your humanity.
I want you to do something good.
I want one good deed to bring another good deed.
But until then,
bad begets bad. 


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13 Reviews


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Fri Jun 23, 2017 4:32 am
nidkits wrote a review...



Hai beccalicious94,
This was so cute!!! I love it, Its very nice the way this poem goes. I usually love writing poems and not a big fan of reading them but I loved this one!!! I would have never though of writing something in this sort of style, so I just learned something from you!!! The one thing that kind of put me down is your lack of words, and I get that because whenever I write a poem I usually get stuck on what and how to write. Your structure of writing is very decent and organized. I remember writing this poem for my mom similar to this one and she took the words at heart and really enjoyed it so I'm glad you chose the type of poem because I love it too! I think that In the future you should choose wisely on what subject your leaning your poem towards because sometimes there are somethings that a really a challenge to write about. Anyway's GREAT WORK!!!!
Keep writing!
Nidkits




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Thu Jun 22, 2017 4:35 am
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gxldencrxwns wrote a review...



Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review.

As far as poems go, this one isn't particularly my favorite one I've reviewed, but I still like it. I enjoy the theme/plot, it reminds me a lot of Sam Hunt's song "Make You Miss Me." I suggest you listen to it.

One thing I find a bit annoying is the rapetitive I. I do know it's hard to think of something else, and you can still use it, but switch the words around a bit. For example:

"I hope you steal the comforter from yourself, just like I used to."

Can be changed to,

"You know how I stole your comforter? I hope you do it to your own."

And so on and so forth. One would be to guess this is a free verse poem so rhyming wouldn't be a problem in this case.

Other than that, I enjoyed this. The through all in all idea was shown clearly, but I fell it could be shown better and easier if you overcame the repetitiveness.

~gxldencrxwns






Thanks for the review!



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Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:31 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

I remember reviewing a work of yours awhile back, and since this is still in the Green Room, I may as well review this one too. I have to say that I'm not as much of a fan of this poem compared to the other ones that you've written. This is mainly due to your execution of the repetition, which I'll explain further. I found the repetition to be poor due to the lack of structure that comes with it. This isn't to say that all of it is completely ineffective, though I didn't find this to work well.

What I mean by a 'lack of structure' is that your words don't seem to be chosen for a reason. They don't feel to be used thoughtfully. The ones that play around with repetition are very...repetitive, and not in the good way. Instead, the point is already gotten across the first couple times and it doesn't need to be reused. The examples of what the speaker hopes for their significant other are hard to distinguish from each other, and that's because they're all similar. They're not very distinct. They make the same point over and over, driving it in almost too far. Sometimes minimalism is stronger than driving the theme home over and over again. If you do feel like expanding on a certain detail, than actually expand on it. The repetition gets stale.

That's the opposite of what your objective should be when using it as a poetic device. Let it be fresh. Put a twist on it to keep it new or do something to keep the reader interested. Think about the positives and negatives of using repetition. On one hand, repetition can be used effectively to drive a point home or to make a theme or emotion hold more emotional weight. On the other hand, repetition can be overused without thought and the actual part being repeated can get boring easily.

Think about the consequences of repetition and how to counter them. Think about how often you should be using repetition, and the dead space between those uses. Another aspect of the poem that gets repetitive is the punctuation, with the abundance of periods one after another. You're allowed to let lines breathe. In fact, I encourage you to.

An example of where there's not structure in the repetition is here:

I hope you stare at the indentation on your bed where I used to sleep.
I hope you steal the comforter from yourself, just like I used to.
I hope you mimic all my actions, pretending I am there.
You didn’t want me when I was there, I want to haunt you.
I want you to wish you acted differently.
I want you to find your humanity.
I want you to do something good.
I want one good deed to bring another good deed.
But until then,
bad begets bad.


My problem isn't with the last two lines, since I actually found them to be a nice and strong ending. What I have a problem with is the repetition of the first three lines being followed up with a line that has no repetition at all. After that, we're back to more repetition for the next four lines. That's what doesn't make sense to me structurally and thinking in the sense of why you chose to make the stylistic choice that you did. The ending, the last four lines are actually pretty effective in acting as an ending. I'd like to see those kept in the future edits, if you make any. The second stanza here is also full of lines that I absolutely loved. They were great, and I hope those are kept too because they're strong ones.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day, Chica. ;)


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Thanks dear! <3




Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain