Alone

It was when I went to the narcissistic theme park that I made a decision. Being alone is not bad. I always thought sitting alone at the playground in fifth grade was frowned upon. Or swimming alone at a waterpark while the rest of my friends are at the scariest waterslide the world had to offer. Ever since the fifth grade, and beyond, I've been alone. I've never really had a real friend. The friends that I thought were real later turned on me. Or were never real in the first place, but I was blinded because I was just looking for a friend. It was when I parted from my cousins at EnergyLand that I realized, being alone is not a bad decision. I went on a rollercoaster by myself, which felt awkward, because everyone there had a friend or a group.

After I left, I went to the place I was to meet with my cousins at. They weren't there. As I looked beyond the meeting place, I saw they were already lining up for a different ride. One I certainly did not want to join in on. I shook my head and ran straight ahead. The three had a history, and I had barely anything in common with them. They were all daredevils, and because of my anxiety I wasn't as outgoing and open as they were. I headed for the carousel swings. I plopped myself on the mint green swing and waited for the machine to power up. It was relaxing, the ride. Most people probably felt dizzy, but I felt free as a bird. Free as a bird stuck in a flying chair, at least. I closed my eyes and let the wind blow through my hair. It was nice, not having to worry that there were friends right behind you and wanted to go do better things. I was alone, and I could do whatever I wanted to. And that, was when I heard a familiar voice.

"BASIA!!!!!" 

My aunt shouted my name. Her daughter was grasping her hand as she waved at me with the other hand. I was overcome by a sense of warmth. A sense that despite all the conclusions I had just come to about being alone, I still wanted to have someone. It was comforting, knowing someone had casually bumped into me. Soon after the meeting, the ride stopped. "Come on guys! This is a really fun ride!" They budged through the empty line and quickly plopped themselves down next to me. During the ride, it was visible that my aunt was feeling queasy. She asked us to ignore her, and that she had had enough of this theme park. The ride had quickly stopped, which seemed to suit my aunt's needs. She jumped up as quickly as she could, grabbed her daughters hand, and bid me goodbye. 

"If you need me, I'll be over in StoryLand!"

She evidently had enough of the 'fun.'

To be honest, words can't describe how many times I went on the carousel. Actually, they can. seven. I went on the ride seven times. After they left, it was back to being alone again. This time, I felt relief. Because I knew that I couldn't dump myself like my aunt just did. I will always be stuck with myself. That's a good thing, right? On the other hand, I can't have a [normal] conversation with myself. I can't tell myself secrets. But being alone meant that I didn't have to guard myself from the possible insults of who I called my friends. At the same time, I can be my greatest threat. I can scare myself because of anything really, and become closed minded and socially awkward. I can consider myself fat, and ugly. Rude, and fake. Its just so easy. People can also be the problem. One day, they are nice to you. They do anything and everything to hang out with you and be your friend. But the next day, like when you go to a theme park, they kind of turn on you. Suddenly, things you did before and never bothered them, bother them that day. Its hard to live in peace where everybody is happy. 

Look at our world now. Do we all live in peace and in happiness? No. Does everybody have a friend and no one feels left out? No. I guess I just have to be one of the many people in this unhappy world that love being alone, but realize that they don't really want to be alone. But need to deal with it everyday anyway, just for the sake of keeping the spotlight away from them. 

Author's Note: This is my first time writing a piece that truly says what I feel. This is unedited, but I was writing this on and off for many days. I hope this isn't a mistake putting this on the internet and making myself vulnerable. ;-/ All the things you read just now really happened. I really came to those conclusions in that theme park, and my cousins really did that to me. ;-( But they're nice now so everything is a-o-k. Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated!