How long will it take, to get you out of my mind?
How long will it take for me to realize you don't care about me?
I've spent days and nights thinking about you
All the memories we've shared
I want to talk to you
Yet, I'm stupid for wanting to
I spent time with you
Yet, that was time well wasted
I wasted my days shedding tears
And wondering
Why you wouldn't talk to me
Why you wouldn't hang out with me
And I see now
You felt you were just too "cool"
But I kept pushing
To be with you
To talk to you
Thinking that
One of these times you will accept me
So we could be best friends
Silly me
I gave you many more chances than I should have
I thought you would change
Now
When we talk
You laugh at me
You mock me
You think I don't have time for you
But I do
I just don't want to
I just don't want to have to be forced into talking to you
That will only hurt me more
Don't expect me to trust you again
I've been hurt too many times
Forget the plans we made
Life is not worth spending with you
Worrying if I will ever grow up enough to just spend time with you
And for you to actually want to in return
You were always selfish
Only caring about what will fundament
You and your ego
What's that?
You say you care about me?
You are offended?
"You don't trust me?"
You ask
No
I don't trust you
What should I do to make you feel sorry for the pain you put me through?
I'm an idiot for trusting you once and many times
I'm an idiot for believing you could change
I'm an idiot for spending time with you
But most of all, I'm an idiot for not cutting you out the first time around
So, pray tell,
How long will it take me, to forget you?
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139,477 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Hy there...
This is something too good. Usually I don't know what I should say because I like every piece of everyone and I feel it too offending to correct anyone at their work. And yes, this is really great. Enjoyed reading it...
One thing to know is-
"Worrying if I will ever grow up enough to just spend time with you
And for you to actually want to in return"
I don't get what these lines mean. Quite confusing. Actually much! You regret your decision but now thinking of meeting him/her when you grow up? Read many times n still not getting them..
Sorry if I'm wrong.
Rest a pleasant poem.. Well done!
I will rephrase those lines to make more sense. Thanks for the review!
Thanks everyone for reading and writing a comment/review!!!!
Hey there!I am not good in writing reviews.But I try my best to do this. Firstly I want to tell you that, this poem is emotional and every line shows the perfect emotion. After reading the poem one can easily understand, what you wanted to tell. the poem is easy,emotional,touching and nice.In this poem someone is betrayed by his/her most beloved person. He/She cares and trusts his/her most beloved person but the person don't care about him/her and break his/her trust.But he/she can't forget his/her most beloved person because he/she loves the person and trusts the person so much.I like this lines...
"I'm an idiot for trusting you once and many times.
I'm an idiot for believing you could change.
I'm an idiot for spending time with you."
Overall the poem is really very nice and touching.keep writing more poems...
Thanks! I wanted to write this in a way that others could relate to, thats why I left out the name. Thanks for reading and leaving a review!!
Hey there! Gonna leave you a review real quickly.
So, I really enjoyed this poem! It's easy to relate to, for anyone whose ever been betrayed or left behind by someone they loved and/or cared for. I could really feel the emotion throughout this. My only issue would be for these three lines, ("I want to talk to you. Yet, I'm stupid for wanting to. I spent time with you."). Nowhere else, that I noticed, had a consistant rhyming scheme. These three lines sound awkward with being the only lines that rhymed one after the other. Other than that, I loved this poem! I'll be sure to check out more of your work!
Like I told Day, this started out as a short story, then I just changed the format to look like a poem. I feel the area you quoted is a bit choppy, so I do plan on adding a line or modifying the lines to make it flow a little more. I had no intention of having a rhyming scheme, seeing as this was a short story.
I added to the poem a little more. This is the result. Do you think it flows better?
Hey Basia, I really enjoyed your poem. Due to time constraints, I can't leave a full review; however, I wanted to make some comments. The poem seems very emotionally driven and builds up in tension and power throughout the text until its climax; I loved this aspect of your poem. One critique I have is that most of the lines end in a period which means taking a breath. While I was reading aloud this caused the poem to lose a lot of it's emotional punch in my opinion. I think you could consider using enjambment more throughout the piece to help give it a faster reading pace and increase the intensity.
The problem is, I wasn't sure if I should put this down as short story or poem. It started out a short story, but then when I ended it I decided to put it down as poem, and I overlooked the periods.
I took out the periods. Does it look better? Sound better?