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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Hi @alliyah! Hey @starlitmind!
This review is meant to be for the prizes that were supposed to be given out after the checklist challenge, and this is late, but I'm super sorry for that. >.<
Anyway, I'll do my best to review this piece!
I really enjoyed the imagery in this poem. The wording flows together really well and the words chosen are lovely. The little doodles give the poem even more meaning, y'know? It suits the theme very well with the black background and all, makes it more "mysterious", because the poem has so many questions for the universe, and it's a mystery, so the black background and simple doodles sort of give off that vibe if that makes sense? xD In short, I like the aesthetic!
I don't need to say anything about the capitalization, because that's always a personal choice, but ngl I like the capitalization this way because it suits the aesthetic, and it doesn't feel too uptight or formal, y'know what I mean?
I don't have much else to say other than this, because I see you guys have already gotten fantastic reviews from previous reviewers. Hope this helped somehow! Let me know if you have any questions~
Wishing you a singing, dancing good time <3
~Lib
Hey, there! This is a cool poem. I think we can all relate to that feeling of vastness, yet wondering what it all even means. Your wording is simple, but conveys the picture of fathomless depths beyond the imagination. I like how you've shown that the universe is way more than we can comprehend, but that doesn't keep us from getting lose in the wonder, in the infinity of it. It doesn't inhibit our ambitions.
I like the wandering yet structured format you've used. It looks good, but it lends itself to that sense of abstractness. The dark background is another plus.
Great work with this lovely poem! Thanks for your contributions!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I really love the themes in this poem! The endless quest for understanding in the world is such an age-old subject, but this piece gives a fresh take on it with the sense that maybe this understanding might be "false", and yet perhaps still worth pursuing. I also really like how the lines in the drawing are dotted, just like stitches.
1. As a whole, the rhythm in this poem flows really well, despite the line lengths being irregular. "constellations stitched together like quilts" is a great example of how words can just sound good together, with the repeating [t] sounds.
I also love the line break in:
I think it draws out the contrast between the many fallen leaves and the single tree that "birthed" them, which gives the sense of something that seems linear, but is actually branched, if that makes any sense, haha
2. My favourite line is:
I love the complex feelings towards Science being depicted here, particularly how you've framed the contradiction between there being "too little" and "too much" at the same time. I do think the enjambment might work better in a different place, though, as I'm not too sure how the current line break is meant to carry the rhythm or meaning. It seems a bit like "altogether too much" ought to be on the same line? Just as a suggestion, let's see how this sounds to you two:
3. In terms of the imagery, I really like how the images follow from each other in the first stanza. Going from "quilts", which suggest something complex and patchwork, to "like writing meaning in the lines of my palm" really conveys the human significance of Science, in my opinion. I also like how you could link "stuck in corners" to the image of the quilt as well.
I kind of wish there were more specific images like these in the poem. While things like "memories" and the "vacuum of space" sound really interesting, they venture a bit into the abstract, so it's hard to picture without further details. I feel like my imagination could use some help around those parts.
This is a great idea for a poem, and I love how you've structured it and laid it out in this image. Keep poet-ing!
Ah your reviews are always so helpful; thanks Liminality!! These are great points to consider.
Literally and figuratively, beautiful poem. <3
<3
This poem is just stunning and the background fits the aesthetic perfectly. I really reading it and I can honestly relate to the theme, that feeling of wanting to find meaning and familiarity in the universe, even when so much of it seems so strange and foreign.
This flows seamlessly from line to line, and pushed me from stanza to stanza. I especially loved the way it kind of pulled you to the next line in a lot of the third stanza by ending one line with words like "altogether" and "if," as they continued on the next line.
If I tried to pick a favorite part, I couldn't because I just found all of this simply beautiful. You have an incredible talent for weaving the words together in a way that perfectly captures an emotion and that drew me in. If I'm being honest, I'm tearing up right now. I'm the kind of person in this poem, the one that tries to make the universe make sense. (You really called me out XD).
I don't really know how to put this in words, but this was just gorgeous. You did an amazing job <3
Thanks, that's really sweet!
gahh the transitions between your lines are seamless and your styles complement each other so perfectly!! <3
Thanks whatcha, it was so much fun writing with star (I propose the 3 of us should write a poem together some time too)!! <3 (also "seamless" is a good quilting pun)
I SECOND WHAT ALLIYAH SAID
Ooh yes I'm so down for that c:
gmo why did I spell aLLIYaH like that, my past self apologizes
This poem is really good. (I wrote my own poem with some of the lines, so thank you.) I noticed also that there's a metaphor that is extended throughout the poem, that is space / stars and the personal element. You could try trying them together better, it's done well in the first and last stanzas. An example of where it doesn't work is in the second stanza where you mention trees, it's out of place.
Oh good point on losing some continuity in stanza 3 -> I think adding a "roots" element to that stanza could tie in the trees. Glad you enjoyed!
This is so pretty! I love the aesthetic of this poem. The art is simple but pretty, and the words have the perfect whimsical touch to them. <3
Ah thanks Mage! <3