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u know that meme about the brain power getting bigger and bigger

by alliyah, chikara, starlitmind



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Sat Sep 04, 2021 11:54 pm
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whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hey you three! I'm here for a review in the spirit of RevMo c:

Interpretation
As far as literal interpretations go, this poem seems pretty up front: the narrator is washing some dishes with a dishwasher, things go awry, they shapeshift into a bubble out of frustration, and though the ending is a bit vague, it appears they live happily ever after as a bubble chilling in the sewers. Honestly this could be a 10/10 plot for a short story - we've got rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution, the whole shebang :')

BUT, on the off chance there's more to this poem than dishwasher detergent mishaps! I feel like this poem could be talking a bit about jumping to make assumptions about other people (or bubbles) that aren't always true. And how, instead of making everything an us vs them battle of dishes versus soap, sometimes you have to empathize with "them", i.e. become soap bubbles instead of stomping on soap bubbles. While people may seem different and strange to you based on the hasty assumptions you make about them, if you take the time to get to know them, you might find you have more in common than you thought at first.


Tone and language choice
I love how with each "level" of the poem, the tone changes and becomes slightly more sophisticated to match the size of the corresponding brain picture. We start out with phrases like "bubbles bubble up" and "they're big meanies :(" and end with phrases like "destiny is fickle" and "levitating air" -> just a slight glow-up, you could say! c: I think the progression of tone matches the concept of the poem super well, and also makes it very interesting to read, because you don't quite know what's coming next.

In terms of vocabulary, the main critique I have is that you use the word "bubble" a LOT. Which might have been a purposefully choice to emphasize the goofy and playful nature of this poem, in which case, fair enough! But I did think it might be fun if the words you use to describe "bubble" become more and more pretentious at each brain level. Synonyms for inspiration ~ fizz, gurgle, foam, froth, & effervesce. It's definitely not necessary, but I think it would eliminate some repetition and also fit the theme of the poem nicely; just some food for thought! c:


Formatting
I really like the formatting you us, especially the "*bubble / *bubble / *bubble" bits in levels one and two. The over-the-top use of brackets and parenthesis made me smile, as well, in level two :')

This is not a critique per se, but I did find that level three looks a bit empty/bland in comparison with the rest -- which on the one hand, offers some nice contrast and acts as a bit of a breather, and on the other, stands out kind of awkwardly. I'm not sure you should change it, but I just thought I'd point out the effect it has on the reader!


Imagery gushing/ closing thoughts
This wouldn't be an adequate review if I didn't gush for a moment about your ability to fit beautiful imagery into a total meme poem, so moment of gushing incoming ~

{[( i cry
and the tears
are made of
off-brand dish soap )]}

First of all, thematic continuity here is lovely ! But I also find it so fitting that crying tears of dish soap - off-brand, no less - would probably sting your eyes really intensely and feel like getting a handful of shampoo in your eyes. It seems like if you're crying sad tears, it almost makes sense that it would hurt like that, and overall I just thought that image was really striking.

existential dilemmas spinning through the drain pipes

!!!! the world is NOT ready for this, there are enough existential dilemmas spinning around in my brain, I don't need them in my drain @_@

destiny is fickle that way; one day you're a drain spinner
the next levitating air -- and the world will try to crush you for it;

"drain spinner" and "levitating air" are *chef's kiss*. Levitating air is such a clever phrase, it's like the opposite of an oxymoron, if that even makes sense. Definitely a strong image to close off the poem with!


Overall, this was such a fun poem to revisit and review! Your three styles blend so seamlessly in this poem, and I love that you can make a meme poem that is somehow also kind of good xD I hope this review proves helpful, and I hope to see more collabs from you in the future! <3

--chawhat

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Banner courtesy of @SoullessGinger <3




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Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:51 am
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rida says...



Wow
Just wow




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Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:20 pm
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silented1 says...



Well done.




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Wed Jun 09, 2021 4:38 pm
LilPWilly says...



🤯🤯🤯




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Tue Jun 08, 2021 1:10 am
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Liberty says...



whoa - this is so beautiful xD the way you guys incorporated the meme into the poem, just - *chef's kiss* marvelous!

i mean, you can never expect anything less when some of the best poets on the site do a collab :0 you know, i'd like to see a full-blown collab with all the people you've ever collab-ed with, alliyah <.< ahfjah that would be crazy awesome o-o 'tis a humble request that you may or may not take into account ahh




alliyah says...


Ah! <333 Thanks Lib! and AHHH that'd be so many people though, you know I used to even be in a poetry club where all we did was poetry collab here! (I have an idea about how that might work though... hmmmmmmmmmm... I'll definitely think about it!) <333 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this very special poem!



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:37 pm
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MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!
This was a su[er cool concept! I've never seen anything like it! My favorite part was how you used a meme to demonstrate it. It gave the poem lots of personality and made t stand out from others. The concept was also very unique! It was very abstract and definitely makes the reader think!

Anyways great poem! You three did a great job! :D




alliyah says...


Thanks Maple! (any critiques?) I love how it turned out as well, and definitely will be thinking about how to incorporate meme format into poems in the future! For instance, that dark kermit the frog meme is kind of calling my name now. It's a good way to give a lot of implied meaning, while not spelling it out! :D

Thanks for stopping by! ~



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 5:40 pm
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whatchamacallit says...



*brain explodes*




alliyah says...


*POOF - MUCH EXPLOSION*



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 3:54 am
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TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



Wow, a very interesting poem, Alliyah! I must admit I would have to do further analysis to understand it all. (I'm not much of a poet.) It's cool how you incorporated dishwasher detergent and brainpower. This is the part that intrigues me most:

i cry and the tears
are made of
off-brand dish soap

I liked it. This is funny and yet makes sense in a way. Thanks for the visual aid!

Overall, I have nothing to criticize! Good Job!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Remember: Follow your heart and noting can go wrong. (concerning writing)




alliyah says...


Ah anyone can be a poet! Thanks! It was very special to be able to collab with @starlitmind and @chikara on this - the two of them are experts on dishwasher poetry so I enjoyed learning this new genre. And I'm glad the humor of the piece added to the meaning, that's always the trick with "nonsensical humor" is that it's still got to (at least almost) make sense in some bizarre way!

All the best~



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 3:05 am
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chikara says...



this makes my brain power get bigger and bigger every time i read it :')




alliyah says...


^^ same!




By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill