Thunderhead

Hi there!
I'll go through bit by bit.

The first quatrain was good, I liked it in the sense of the rhythm and drive it has to it, really good use if imagery and descriptive language. However, I would suggest swapping out the second 'heart' for 'soul' or something along those lines. And maybe the addition of a comma somewhere? It's sounds a little too rushed and needs to be slowed down just a bit, and also a bit of exposition would have been good! we as the reader get launched straight into the action without a clue as to what is going on.

The second quatrain I like even more. The use of the title at this point is good because it is referring to it directly, and we are going to see where it takes us. "To the place where the sky once bled" I really like this piece of imagery. As is the final line of the quatrain, using a metaphor of a stage for lightning. and also it sounds like man is assembling an army to attack the Gods, like in Greek legend.

The last quatrain I found a little confusing, and to see where it was going and to lead into the conclusion. I liked it, but a little more accuracy in the language would have been good!

And the same for the final rhyming couplet, little confused as to what it means and to what is going on. A little more info would have been good. But the language was great!

I liked this! but I would have liked to understand it better!

-Cosmo

Hello . This wa a great poem. I liked the aabb rhyme scheme. You were able to keep it very well an it flowe nicely. It was a very deep poem that keep a good tempo throughout the poem. Overall, this was a great poem and I hope to see more soon.









~MindBlown