Mermaid

Hello CapitalMonday here with a review. I like to begin on how used some personification in this poem which set the tone or setting in a sense, since you are telling that the moon is yawning over the sea below it.

Since most poems need to be changed/improvised:

I was the one who

evoked toxic rain, this little part confused me and every other part after. I'm not sure by what you mean here as to say explain it more..

I burned their great warm sea
until its last drop This also confused me since you said that you were a warrior. Warrior can'y really do nothing to the sea, only throw pitchforks or swords into the sea.

With everything I said above, there are some good points to this poem. I like ending since you missed your mermaid by destroying her sea (since i think a monster went over and you had no choose.)

Also there is a great use of alliteration at the beginning: fauna and flora

That's all and Keep writing,
CapitalMonday

Wow, this was a beautiful poem. It was poignant, emotional, and was really able to pull at the heart strings of the reader!! well done!

The second stanza here was definitely my favorite, I loved the imagery, the emotion, the spacing, and practically everything about it! I could feel the warrior's anguish, his regret and his self-loathing like I were watching a movie about him. Seriously, so well done!

I also am in love with the first line. "When the dawn was a blue shadow of a great warm sea". I just love it. It's a great introduction, it sets a scene, and it already starts to establish an ominous atmosphere.

I also really like your transition from light to dark from stanza one to the second stanza, it's smooth and flows well. Good job there!

I also love the line "My people poisoned me with there/ prejudice and hatred." I just love this line. You obviously are hinting at a bigger picture here, and I think that this right here really helps give insight to that. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but this seems like a very deep piece that has more meaning to it than just a warrior lamenting over the death of his mermaid.

I REALLY liked this poem, it's probably my favorite one I've ever read on this site! Seriously, amazing!!

-Purple29

Wait, I'm a little confused by your poem. Hey, I'm only eight. Okay, to be honest, this person does not sound like a typical Mermaid. It says right here:
But I was just a warrior.

Corrputed warrior.

My people poisoned me with their

prejudice and hatred.

I was the one who

evoked toxic rain,

tortured steel

and crucified it

all the way

to heaven.

I burned their great warm sea

until the last drop.

Does this sound like the kind, graceful woman with beautiful long hair and wonderful shining fish tail? No. Please tell me what you are thinking right there.

Other than that, I just think this poem was amazing, that you really are a natural at poetry. Keep writing poems!

Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
Can I just say... wow. This was incredible.

Themes!

This was an interesting theme to cover, it had a hint of romance and was very fantastical. I loved the idea of this perplexing relationship between a land-dweller and a mer-creature. I always find it interesting. You tell us of this vast ocean in which the speaker/protagonist talks of this mermaid who he loves, and how he misses her so. Then in the second stanza you completely blow me away when you say 'I was just a warrior. Corrupted warrior.' It was so powerful, it shocked me ever so much. Which is a good thing as like any type of piece of writing, you need to wow me as a reader.

Use of devices!

Now, I always try to interpret the reason for a particular use of poetic devices as its not always the words that have meaning. We need to read behind the lines.
So, firstly, I'll start off with the use of enjambment as it is always the most open to interpretation. At the end of your last stanza you tell us that this warrior hasn't held or seen his lover in a long while, so you could easily say that the use of enjambment is to show the reader that the speaker/protagonist is emphasizing how long it has been. But I think it is deeper than that - yes, the enjambment is used to show the passing of time, but also used to show how time can change a person and how constant pressure over time can corrupt a person. I have evidence of this when you say the people poisoned him with prejudice - which is obviously the hatred over the mer-creatures. And sadly, this warrior's heart turns black and he fights off and kills the one he loves. That is so emotive. Beautiful.

Well done! This is amazing. Keep it up!