Whispers in my fireplace
lonely sounds
christmas lights above
Enjoy, they said
listen to them
have an empty hug
Steal their memories
to fill in yours
sigh, they said
Feel the warmth
of those bricks
with your eyes
Have fun, they said
feel the fire
but stay cold
Cold.
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Canary word: Present
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129,541 Literary Works • 671,508 Reviews
Hello there TonelessBard, I'm Niraco here to review this rather somber poem for you this fine day.
When you first read the title you go into the poem with a certain expectation. You think it will be about the joys and merriness which Christmas brings. That idea alone always throws me off. I tend not to read poems about Christmas as I feel they will have this sickly sweet mood about them. I almost didn't read this poem because of that idea alone. I'm glad I clicked however.
I love the start of this stanza:
These two lines got me thinking. Steal whose memories? And who is this 'they'?
I really found I connected with this poem as I cannot stand Christmas. I can see why people like it but it is far too sweet for my taste.
Reading this poem was really refreshing for this time of year.
All in all I loved this poem and was glad it contrasted it's happy title. Good job and happy writing!
I was surprised when the title of this poem was "Merry Christmas" and your description was a frowny face. I have a few nitpicks, so I'll get to the point.
With each "They said", I had to read back and see just what it was that they said. Typically this would annoy me with the whole "WHO IS THEY???" But I got the point here. But like in stanza 2 your poem says
And it would be really great if you could put quotation marks around what it is they say. So:
"Enjoy," they said.
Or
"Have fun," they said.
And the only other nitpick I have is using periods to end sentences. But those are technical, petty little nitpicks. This had a horrible flow...
I loved it. It made the poem seem that much more abrupt and melancholy. So the flow was great because it sucked. Bravo for writing such a wonderfully melancholy poem. Thank you, for giving me the privilege of reading this wonderful literary work.
Keep Writing!
-Gravity
I love this. <3 It captures such a melancholy mood; another side to this holiday that people all over the world celebrate. Lonely and cold and strikingly... striking. The free verse works very well here and sketches a very different picture from the jolly sleigh and reindeer ones we've grown to expect. However, I felt you could have used some punctuation. At first, I thought you'd just left out the periods at the end of each verse ( and commas in several places) just to give an artistic effect, but then I noticed that you had punctuation in some places while you didn't in others and that just makes the poem look messed up and fragmented. You know... incomplete. For example:
This should be:
And so on.
The stanza I liked best was:
Great job on this! Your last line especially, was so precise, so well put, it just left me stranded in this icy moor and thinking: to every moon, there is a dark side.
Keep it up! Keep writing!
Digital cookies,
~Pompadour
Hey There.
Frankly, I'm not a Christian. So we don't really celebrate Christmas.
Your poem has made me the real feeling of loneliness. It's touched my heart. To be lonely on a festival which, for some reason (maybe it's the movies, those happy, smiling Christmas face movies), I've always assumed it to be a festival which is happy for everyone, can be heart wrenching.
Thumbs up on expressing so well.
Harshita
When I saw the title, I thought it would be a happy Christmas poem. Then, when I read the poem, it filled me with dread and somber. It tells of a lonely Christmas eve where it's cold and lonesome. This is a good poem, by the way, and hope there's more like it.