The Bard's Lullaby

I feel like my comments keep getting more and more unhelpful as your poems get better and better, but that's good. There's a nice amount of imagery and figurative language in this piece, and none of the telly bits that you sometimes fell prey to in your previous lyrics. In fact, the only suggestion I have is to replace "Her" in the "I look upon her" lines with "She." I know it seems like "her" makes sense because you're saying "I look upon her," where "I" is the subject and "you" is the object. But! While "her" is the object of the first part of the sentence, it is the subject of the second part of the sentence. "She" wanders the stars. You've acknowledged that by using "who" instead of "whom."

Okay, that part was probably really confusing or whatever, but that's my only suggestion, anyway.

Blue

This is my first review on a song ^^

In my opinion, this is a very beautiful song, the words are very warm and sweet, and the way it continues, and finishes, is just adorable. I will admit that I didn't know what a bard was until I looked it up, so you may want to remember that in your future songs. Giving a song a title that conveys something that your audience doesn't understand may cause them to look over your song, and ultimately work against you.

Other than that, I don't really have any bad comments, though I do have a question...why are parts italicized...while others aren't? Is it the chorus? If so, that would make some sense, but idk

The only advice for this piece that I can give is make it longer. By looking at the length of this, this song sounds like it would only be about a minute long. Create a story, and add more depth. If you do that, you'll go far

Great job!
~Maddie

I love this! I thought it was really beautiful and well done and the words were gorgeous together. I especially love "I look upon Her who wanders the stars/The night hid her heavenly smile." I do wonder about sometimes capitalizing "Her" and other times leaving it lower case. I'd suggest doing one or the other, because right now it almost seems as though you're talking about two different people. The only other thing I noticed that seemed a little out of place was the line "don't scream or shout" because it seems jarring in the gentleness of this song. I think it doesn't really fit with the feeling of the rest of it. Rather than that, something like "don't cry my name" or "don't cry alone" might work better. Anyway, they're just suggestions. I really loved your poem! Keep up the good work!