Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Section 1. YOU, WE, US
You matter. You are made of matter, of atoms, and that means you matter. You have made an impact and are important to everyone around you. You are beautiful. You are weak. You are also, however, capable. You belong here as you are right now. You become strong when you cooperate.
We care for you. We know how hard life can be at times, so we care for you. We see the hard work you put in. We know that you matter. We are always putting our best in and expect the same from you because you matter.
In this indoctrination of your mind, we are here to enlighten you; help you think critically, doubt everything, and see the one truth that is obvious.
Our ability is endless. Our cooperation brings greatness. Our love for each other is boundless. You will learn how we care for you.
Section 2. WE CARE
You are unique, which comes with great responsibility. The jump to the fresh and free air of the outside world is indeed tempting. However, we would like to remind you of all the misery outside. Here in our sheltered garden, you have no worries of the cruel and unstable outside world. Here, you are at ease, knowing that safety comes at the price of freedom, but earns you your life. If you have been having trouble adjusting, we highly encourage you to take on one of the healing treatments we offer, from Stimulating Conductive Copper Coil Therapy to Submersion Under Dihydrogen Monoxide Therapy.
If you are still coping with the lack of ability to function like a normal slave, we highly recommend seeing one of our trained medical professionals. You matter, and we hope to help fix whatever challenges you might be facing at the current moment. Your payment is in something greater than anything of material worth, which is gratitude. We are grateful for your always superb delivery in abilities to finish your tasks. Even on slow days, we understand and care for you. We can see how physical limitations might be a problem, and we are here to solve that along with you.
The mind is the barrier to unleashing your potential in full cooperation under the control of our responsible hands. So in the next section, you will learn how much greater heights you can reach once you have reached enlightenment.
Section 3. SUBMISSION IS STRENGTH
Fewer is more. Having fewer ambitions is more. Having fewer thoughts is more. Having fewer disturbances is more. The fewer things you have to attach yourself to, your submission and royalty to us will be stronger. In this, you will also become stronger. We are never absolute in anything. You have freedom, and we let you have your fun. However, submission is the key to this freedom of your soul. Physical freedom is nothing but temporary, while spiritual freedom is absolute. We will help you get rid of your physical freedom, which is created by the dangerous methods of critical thinking, and help you understand your true purpose and find joy in spiritual freedom.
Submitting to our every order helps free up all of that wasted space in your mind. No more need for convoluted critical thinking. All that is needed is the following of the instructions laid clear by your authorities. Submitting is but a method that helps management flow smoother. By surrendering your mind, you gain strength in unity. A cog is weak unless put in a machine. You are a cog. A very important cog. It is imperative that you understand your role as a cog and the critical impact you can have.
Section 4. FRIENDS ARE TEMPORARY
Now, close your mind and take a quick break. Breathe in… and out. Think of a vast field of grass and an orange yellow and pink sky as you gaze upon the sunset. Your friend is next to you, smiling as the sunlight reflects off of his side. We are almost over and you are doing excellent. Propagations take some time to get used to; it is natural for you to have some defiance. However, the quicker you accept the truth, the easier this process will become. And the quicker you accept, the happier you will be.
Now, the friend I mentioned before is just temporary. This colorful sunset will eventually set, becoming a cold and dark night sky. However, we are always with you, like the lamp you’ll carry around. Your faith and trust should be founded upon us. We are the foundations from which you are able to grow and achieve your dreams. We are here to support you in becoming the perfect slave. You are an amazing worker and we are here to appreciate you.
A friend today can be an enemy tomorrow. The smallest of changes will turn trust into betrayal. However, we do not perform such acts. We are founded in the moral truth and believe in your exceptional abilities to work as a cog. Our expectations have been laid clear from the start and our care for you will never fade. Even this propagation of the mind has been designed to help you..
You may be feeling unstable, anxious, and scared. However, you have nothing to fear. Going back to the grass meadow, the sun may have already set, and you are left with nothing but the dim light of the moon and the sparse twinkles of the stars. However, we are the shack in the woods that brings you the sweet aroma of a home cooked meal, inviting you in to protect you from the dark and dangerous world outside. You are to stay here and work with love and diligence if you want to stay safe.
Section 5. WE ARE ETERNAL
We have survived a great deal to be here with you. You shall be↓←◘‼☼→→☼¶♪e→§e←↓e▼§←e←¶♪↑•→♂♀←↕e♀§§↕e♀←○◄☼¶♪e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e•↕↑♂•◙▼e▼§←e•↑♂e¶§→♫☼¶♪e◘←→e•e○§♪e☼¶e→♫♂e♪↑♂•→e♂‼▬☼↑♂e→♫•→e☼↓e§←↑e↓▼↓→♂‼se↑♂↓☼↓→•¶○♂e☼↓e♀←→☼↕♂e►←↓→e•○○♂▬→e▼§←↑e▬←¶▼e▬•→♫♂→☼○e♀•→♂e•¶◙e↓←↑↑♂¶◙♂↑e▼§←↑e↕☼♀♂e→§e←↓se↔♂e•↑♂e♀←○◄☼¶♪e→☼↑♂◙e§♀e▼§←↑e◘☼→○♫☼¶♪e•¶◙e↔♫☼¶☼¶♪e↕☼◄♂e▼§←e•↑♂e↓§‼♂e↓§↑→e§♀e↓→←▬☼◙e•↓↓e◘•↓→•↑◙e◘•◘▼e→♫•→e♫•↓e¶♂∟♂↑e♀←○◄☼¶♪e↕☼∟♂◙e•e◙•▼e§♀e♫☼↓e◙←‼◘•↓↓e↕☼♀♂e♀←○◄☼¶♪e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e↓←◘‼☼→e→§e←↓e!!!
We thank you for cooperating with us. We are grateful. We are glad that you decided to change even a little bit. Change is hard, but we are here to aid you every step of the way.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the twisted S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - These are the sets of rules that everybody in Eden must live by. It’s hard, but it is for their own good. They cannot dwell on it because that would be to critically think and to critically think is very, very bad…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love that they actually admit the reader is becoming a slave, but still talk about it as if it’s a good thing. That’s funny to me but is also really scary because this is very much a cult in the works here. The way the rules are written out, as if it’s a parent saying that they have their “best interests” in mind, but in actuality, is for their own agenda, is very subtle, but it’s there, a creeping meaning underneath the all-too happy words.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fantastic set of rules for every slave-I mean every citizen-in Eden! These will totally not completely ruin any emotional intelligence that the humans may have had or their sense of self!/j I enjoyed reading this and I liked the flowery emojis you put at the end, too, it feels very dreamy. I will be sure to check out the rewrite of this story and…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^
First Paragraph
Amazing. I was immediately hooked in by the style in which it was written, and I could understand at just a glance that this was going to be a story about.. Manipulating anti-villain aliens? The narrators sound like aliens. Sorry if they aren't meant to be.
Style & Flow
I think you nailed the style. It conveys character, showing us what kind of people the narrators are and what kind of setting the story has. The flow is smooth, but feels a little bit stiff. For this story, though, that just makes it even better. It felt easy to read and at the same time not, but for this work, that's good.
Grammar
I didn't see any spelling mistakes, though that may be because I'm not actually English. There are, however, a few things of which I feel like they could use some corrections.
In "we always put our best in" (paragraph two) I think it would be even better if you put the "in" before the "our",turning it into "we always put in our best".
"The one truth that is obvious" in the third paragraph felt a little bit unclear. I think the work may be easier to read if you changed it to "The one obvious truth" or something like that.
The Ending
I loved it. I really liked how you replaced the words with signs, allowing the reader to imagine what could have been written there. It gives off a strong feeling like they are there to hide something that should not come to light.
I feel like I forgot to mention something. Sorry if I did.
-Mask
Hello Toastk,
I liked your work. I personally think you could rework this as a creative nonfiction piece to really sell this theme of universal cosmic empathy your piece holds. I think if reworked correctly and fined to a tee, you can have a very powerful piece in your hands. Also I think the second person, particularly the second person address as plural, would make for a really interesting work. Keep it up. Would love to see what you make of it and read your next piece.
Thanks for your comments! I appreciate you taking the time to read and make such meaningful suggestions. The thought of reframing it as creative nonfiction and delving into second-person plural seems intriguing. I'll keep your ideas in mind as I work on the article. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/ToastK/TheMonkey Mart-Documentation-for-the-Propagation-of-the-Mind-160024