『Author’s Note: A little conversion table for the measurement units that’ll be appearing in this chapter, and potentially in future ones:
1 Palm= 2.9 in. (7.4cm)
1 Span = 3 Palms
1 Ell = 2 Spans (3.75ft / 114cm)
1 Mil = 2000 Ells 』
Day 4
Mondays… it’s such a horrible day of the week that they apparently had an entire philosophical genre of it that flourished in the 2030s called Montagismus which just studied Mondays and why they sucked. Personally, I think that’s an awesome philosophy, I have no idea why it died out. Anyways, today is Monday.
Usually, we have to go to school by now. But today, it was the day before The Festival Kayitz: A three-day long festival where we celebrate half the year’s passing with Yahweh’s protection. It was also one of two times when the people who would ascend to Yahweh’s realm: heaven, would be chosen.
As students, we were all supposed to help the town prepare for this festival, doing some of the more menial jobs like painting the fences, decorating the streets, and stuff like that. I was on fence painting duty with Khea and a bunch of other students from my class.
We all gathered in the town square. There was a line of fences waiting for us to paint. We swiftly got ready to paint, each of us holding a bucket filled with off-white (which is a weird way to say ‘just’ white) paint on our left hand, and a brush on our right (except for Mary. She was left-handed so she had the brush on her left).
Crouching under the scorching sun, we slowly yet steadily got to work. Even though this was probably child labor, it was Yahweh’s words so who am I to dare defy his commands?
Luckily, because Eden is a desert, the paints dried quickly, allowing us to continue our jobs in decorating and painting at a fairly steady pace.
Day 4 (Noon)
After suffering in the heat all morning, we got a bit of a break as lunchtime arrived. There were a couple of kind ladies volunteering in the community kitchen today, so everyone who was working on helping organize the festival got lunch for free–including us, the students. It was shawarma wraps, which are sort of like Middle Eastern burritos, except way better in my opinion.
Khea and I sat at a picnic table nearby, enjoying our lunch in peace. Well, the place was crowded with townsfolk so it wasn’t all that peaceful. It was very loud in fact, but you get the point.
“My back’s killing me from all that fence painting. I just wish we can just stay in the library all day again like last year.” Khea complained, taking the smallest bite of shawarma.
“Well, I much prefer this year’s work to last year's. I will not survive one more day filled with logistics and name-checking. Seriously, why can’t they leave those kinds of works to the accountants at DMA?”
(The DMA or “Department of Moral Accounting” is an agency that works for the production of the Ethicalibrator and other products and services that help us become more moral and follow the ways of Yahweh, created by Yahweh. Apparently, the Ethicalibrator was designed by Yahweh himself, which doesn’t make much sense since I don’t think Yahweh is a computer engineer, but who am I to judge the almighty, omniscient being high above?)
“You know how the DMA is, they were so slow and inefficient that the organizers would rather have children do those tasks. Plus, I’m pretty sure we’re more qualified to do the calculations than them. Half of the old folks there don’t even know how to use a calculator for starters.”
“You’re the one who likes those kinds of mind-numbing calculations. Do you know how much the rest of us suffered back then?”
“Yeah whatever. Anyways, I’m finished with mine, hurry up!”
While we were talking, Khea had already finished off her shawarma while I wasn’t even halfway through. She eats quickly. It was a bad habit of hers–since it would often lead to her getting indigestion–but I couldn’t say anything because I am probably the slowest eater in this town. I usually enjoy chitchatting or doing other random tasks while eating and that usually makes me spend half an hour eating even a single sandwich.
By the time I finished eating, lunchtime was already over and we were late for work. Well, I was late. Khea left ten minutes earlier, abandoning me to eat my shawarma alone in shame.
We continued painting the fences ‘til the afternoon when the sun started to set. The continual up-and-down strokes from painting the fence exhausted all my energy and my back was starting to ache. We finished when it was dinnertime, but the sun still hadn’t fully set, painting the sky in an orangey-purpley hue as it was lying low. The paint on the fences absorbed the sun’s light, becoming tinted in a clementine orange color. It wasn’t surprising that the sun was still up though. It was almost solstice after all. The longest day of the year.
Day 4 (Afternoon)
With our hard work accomplished, Jasmine, Khea, Lindsey, Mary, and I all got some downtime before our curfew. (which was mandatory by the way. It was illegal to be outside after 11.)
We walked around the town square, seeing what other people were up to. Most people were finished with their preparation for the festival. But, some were still working, especially the bigger projects. For example, this year’s festival was centered around Lunar New Year, and they were building a 30 ell long red dragon. The detail on it; the scales, the wings with their leather-like, translucent texture, and the glossy, intimidating golden eyes. They were all immaculately handcrafted. There were other things too. Like a street filled with booths of various foods and activities, a small amusement park for children and adults alike to play in, and a stage where they’ll be performing various shows and plays.
“Esther, did you see that?” Jasmine asked, tugging me on the shoulder in a hurried manner.
“Huh? Whadis’it?”
“Look! They’re testing the fireworks for the festival!”
The sky lit up with scintillating sparks from the fireworks. A faint booming sound echoed in the air. The gold and crimson display of flickering lights consumed the tenebrous night sky. We all gazed up, without a word. Just staring. Staring at what was displayed before our eyes. Even though it was just a small test sample of rockets, the explosion mesmerized all of us.
Before we knew it, our curfew was almost up and we bid each other goodbyes as we all headed home.
My parents were already ready for bed, my mom drying her hair, and dad clipping his toenails on the couch. I also quickly got ready, washing myself in the shower, drying myself off while simultaneously brushing my teeth, and then getting into my PJs before turning off the lights. My bedroom became dark, only lit up by the moonlight seeping through the blinds, and the gemstone I had on my neck.
It felt heavier than yesterday.
End of chapter
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Esther and Khea paint a fence as a project, they eat shawarma, they see a bit of a celebration before curfew comes up and once Esther is home, she is alone with the gemstone and her thoughts.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like the mention of the study on why Mondays are so horrible, that seems like an interesting thing to look into. I also like that they were eating shawarma, I googled it and it looked so good! Now, those were good things, but the curfew…that shows yet again that no matter how happy things may seem, they are still controlled in some way. And Esther’s narration seems to have this sense of hopelessness, like she feels like there is something wrong but does not know how to fix it.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an interesting chapter on how the town of Eden lives by and the celebration that is to come. The fireworks and the shawarma are good things, but still, there is the question of what Heaven is like and if it really is a good thing to be chosen. I will find out in the next chapter and…
I wish you a spectacular day/night! ^v^
Hey Toast! Icy here for a quick review today! I'm just going to dive right in.
I love this concept. It's a shame that Mondays are still the worst all the way in the future (I'm writing this on a rubbish Monday too) but I think the history behind it here is a great touch.
This was some interesting lore to include! It being a short paragraph made it easy to digest in the context of the full chapter too.
I really like Esther's character, and I find her narrative easy to read. Despite it being a diary I feel pretty connected to everything so far and I look forward to more chapters!
The way you ended this feels natural, but I like the hint at something bigger, something seems to be coming. It's a good setup so far!
Hope this helped.
Icy
thank you so much for your review Icy! mondays truly suck haha..
Anywho, yes, there are much bigger things in plan that are gonna be coming up. Hopefully I can get them done by Halloween. And yes, your review definitely helped : D
Hi there, Toast! It's me again to quickly review this wonderful ongoing piece (totally not late and totally not procrastinated, what are you talking about? :p)
The cover... is different?? Very cool new style!! This makes me a little scared, though, what's about to happen in upcoming chapters... But again, I love the cover art you make! It's still insane that you make one for each chapter, love them but please don't burn yourself out!
Okay so I have multiple quotes to talk about. I get that this is the future and they would probably know a lot of stuff about the past, like a future with Mondays being so awful (Oh my gosh that is so funny), which is really good and I like! The other two confuse me a little bit, especially "Middle Eastern burritos". For example, they could know what they were like and that they existed, but unless those burritos are made there in Eden, it seems a little strange that Esther would compare something to something she doesn't know about. If she's never tasted it, it seems odd to compare them together. In modern days I could compare Middle Eastern burritos to shawarma, although I've never had a Middle Eastern burrito, because it's likely that whoever I'm talking to has eaten one of the burritos or has heard of it and it's a good comparison. Here it feels out of place, unless both are served somewhere here? Same thing with Lunar New Year... why are they celebrating that? And how do they know how to make the dragon?
Other than that, omg yes shawarma is soo good.
Oooh, this is a really cool idea. "Department of Moral Accounting" lol, but hmm... this seems very suspicious.... I was assuming within this story, Yahweh is real and everything, but I think maybe I'm just as ignorant as everyone else is. Is Yahweh not really real, and it's just agencies trying to control everything they can... Especially when you think of Gods typically, they are morally perfect and the Ethicalibrator is... not...
Just when I was about to say, oh, this is a nice chapter just about the day. Looks like we won't have anything ba- and then this popped up. What do you mean it's heavier?? WDYM ITS HEAVIER????!!! Esther, you poor thing, I can sense something bad is going to happen to you soon. Everything can't stay great for you forever. 'Tis the burden of being a main character.
I really love how every chapter pretty much starts with a moral or philosophical conundrum, and then it always moves on to typical human stuff. XD The way you write that, as well as Esther's thoughts is really well done! I love reading her thoughts, and I think she has a unique perspective. I think what could really elevate her character would to be add some more to her. Some little quirks and specific likes and dislikes would help create a more "relatable" character, although you've already got a great start! I love Esther so far.
I think something to help make this chapter a little bit more engaging would be to add some kind of foreshadowing, or strange details. For example, what makes this area or people different than real life? (Not that it's not engaging. I actually was very hooked when reading and I'm so excited for the next chapter ^^)
Thank you so much for writing and sharing! This is seriously one of my favorite stories I'm following now on YWS, and I can't wait to read more!! (Hopefully it will... happen... soon... ??) Jk sorry, please take your time! (Heaven knows I take forever to do absolutly everything... XD)
Even if you don't continue this story for whatever reason, I hope you'll keep writing. You're an exceptional storyteller, and I love reading your stuff! Have an amazing day/night!!
thank you for such an amazing review as always!! I do think that its weird how Eden knows about things like Burritos and Chinese New Year, but I feel that they would've learned about stuff like that in history class, as like foreign traditions and things.
I will definitely take my time, but I also cant wait to continue as I get positive and critical feedback from people like you.
(the cover art is a new character btw)
Thanks for being so nice!! I love reading stories, but it's even nicer when the people behind them are so kind, like you! (New character??! Who??? I'm so curious now ahh)
nice cover art :3
jkjk, that's not all XD though the cover art for each chapter really is beautiful!! And the flower shop painting by Alzayin (*eyes the script on the sign*) :0 And the demon's spell and Esther's mother's lullaby !! I sense conlangsssss :3 This story looks super cool, Toast!!
Omg local mint spotted, tyty! For the languages used here, unfortunately they are all languages in the real world. There is a huge hebrew influence, and the Demon chants in Greek. I did sprinkle some of my conlang script here and there tho if that%u2019s anything. (Although the flower shop sign is in hebrew, and I now can somewhat read hebrew bc of it lol)
haha yeeee it be a local mint XD ooooh that's still very cool :O there are so many amazing languages in the world :3