A/N: Such a long time no see! I had just written this today while I was procrastinating and I would like to share it with you guys. I would explain what this poem means to me, but I don't want my outlook to cloud the way you guys interpret it. Let me know what you think this piece means; I would love to read it!
Red Balloon
Wandering so quietly
Across the way
Towards the sea
-
Lost and torn
I want to touch the clouds
And find my way back
To you
-
Your pale lips
I want a kiss from you
Before we meet
Again
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The ocean's stiff
The color of blue I see
Knuckles get cold
I unclench my fists
-
Rosy cheeks
I make my way towards you
Intertwined limbs
at last
-
We're red balloons
Dancing through cotton skies
I call this love
It never dies
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hey there.. Sharon here for a review.. So as you said, I interpreted it in my own way.. And I found love to be the main idea.. the title could have been a bit more specific.. since that is what appeals readers.. to me, I guess you have slightly deviated from your main track.. but then again, there sure are different ways of judging it.. in general, it's a good read.. the lost and torn part is a bit abrupt.. the simple descriptions are very neat.. it adds to the poem but again a it can be a bit long.. Thank You:)
P.S.: wish to read more of your works..
neat
Hello there, TheUnknownWriter!
I'm currently trying to get used to reviewing again before review day. Another thing- congratulations on getting this work featured! ^-^
I'm just going to jump right into the review. The first thing I want to point out, is the rhyme. I'm personally not too big of a fan of rhyming poems, I feel as if it constricts the author's vocabulary, and limits the emotions they're trying to convey. However, you did rhyme in some parts, and you didn't rhyme in others. Having rhyme present in poetry is your choice. A lot of poems rhyme, and I have nothing against rhyming. My main issue here is that the rhyming isn't consistent. Take this for example:
There's a possible ABCB rhyme right here. Same thing with:
Also an ABCB rhyme scheme right here. However, there are other stanzas such as-
This is just an ABCD rhyme scheme-no rhyme at all. The rhyme is cool, but a major thing that I like to remind poets who use rhyme is that it is best to keep the rhyming consistent.
Another issue I have with this is the punctuation. You don't necessarily need to fix this, but I find that the poem is a little bit choppy without the lack of commas and poor transitioning into the next stanza. I'm not so sure how to help out with this, but I think a good idea is to add some commas-maybe even some periods, to make the poem easier to read, and far less choppy. (Again, this is not a must, but the flow of a poem is a good thing to keep in mind)
You seem to be curious at to how the poem is interpreted among other readers. I personally interpreted this poem as a love poem, or a poem about something hard to grasp-like a dream, perhaps.
Overall, decent poem, but does have room for improvement, specifically on the rhyme scheme and the flow. I hope this review helped you out, and do keep writing! ^-^
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. Now that I think of it, I didn't really pay attention to the rhyme scheme haha, I didn't really intend on this piece to be a rhyming one. As far as punctuation, I think I'm going to add in punctuation- I just decided to leave it out but I didn't realize how big of an impact it will make as to how it would sound. Again, thank you for your review!