Let's make a garden in
Our dreams that will last forever.
Until the vines from our chests
Intertwine with the same soil.
-
The thoughts of you are
Gently kissed onto
My forehead and my
Heart starts to blossom.
-
And with every kiss
You plant in my mind,
The walls around me
Crumble into rose petals.
-
The layers fall until
I am left without the thorns.
Unguarded in your warm
Blooming chest and sunshine eyes.
-
Yet you still wonder why
I always smell like flowers
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, TheUnknownWriter! ScytheMeister here for a quick review
This was beautiful, so romantic and passionate. I loved it! The way you tied in flowers and nature was mesmerising and I thought you did a great job of portraying it, it was well-written and shown perfectly to the reader.
I would suggest minor changes to the structure:
I hope this helped. Good job!
- ScytheMeister
Hi. This is Kman134. I'm here to review your work.
The story was very romantic and imaginative. the symbolisms and metaphors were well-constructed. the emotional feel made me feel like i was teleported to an otherworldly realm of beauty and wonder.
"Let's make a garden in
Our dreams that will last forever.
Until the vines from our chests
Intertwine with the same soil."
the use of nature and psychedelic tones in the beginning made me feel like i was in a dream. the simile within it was like staring at a baroque artwork. the eternity of dreams and the absence of time was ingenious for a prologue in this poem.
"And with every kiss
You plant in my mind,
The walls around me
Crumble into rose petals."
The romantic tone within this stanza was pretty innovating, symbolizing your love like the fall of petals, which also shows how much your love had bloomed and lasted for so long.
anyway, this was pretty good and i hope you keep writing more.
Thank you so much for the review and I'm really glad you liked it!
hello, Ace101 here to write a hopefully helpful review!
So first I shale start with the bad parts, so here it goes.
I am sorry to say this but...
You did nothing wrong! I loved it! you are great at poetry!
I loved the words, like this is really REALLY good, I can tell that you put a lot of work and thought into this work and it really paid off!
I have never bin able to write anything even close to how good ONE sentence is.
That is how amazing this is, amazing work and I would love to read more of your work!
Ace101 out!
Wow thank you so much and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Hello, I'm here to review your poem!
This is a really nice piece of poetry. I love the imagery and feeling of a garden you create around the stanzas. The narrator is probably a rose, hard to access but when you break through you see a lot of beauty.
Your concept and theme is executed well, but sometimes the flow is so-so. For example,
I'm not particularly fond of lines ending with pronouns. Where is the word they're modifying? I know free verse doesn't have so much rules, but I prefer your line to end with "our dreams". There are other places, too. You don't have to fix the line or anything but I just want to say that, in my opinion, ending with attributive modifiers is not my thing.
and
And I also felt as though the last stanza was too short. Because you divided the other stanzas into four lines, two lines is a bit jarring, unless that's the effect you were intending.
But my critiques were in minor places, and overall I definitely enjoyed your poem and I have no other complaint.
Sincerely,
From Princess Ink
Thank you so much! I was kind of iffy about the line breaks as well but I will try to fix it as much as I can. Thank you for the review!