A/N: First work of the year! *throws confetti* Does anyone else feel giddy posting new works or is it just me? I just literally finished writing this poem and it's my very first rhyming poem so feel free to tear this thing apart! (TRIGGER WARNING: Warning for people struggling with depression, etc. This work is not intended to offend or hurt anyone in any way, shape or form.)
I am watching you over there,
Your broken body and all.
Lo, balance the rope with care,
But hope to make that one last fall.
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Why are you still hanging on, my dear?
You might as well stop trying.
Your toes are held, my friend, by fear.
You are really close to dying.
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What holds you back from letting go,
Your flame should be of nothing.
I am blinded from your glow, oh no
I hope your smoke stopped puffing
-
You stagger now and my home is in sight
But you should know this won't end well.
Your chin's still high, and you strive to try;
Don't you wish to see where I dwell?
-
Now's the time to end your one last year,
It's getting lonely in the dark.
So why don't you sleep here, my dear
And end that one last spark.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Well all I have to say is wow. I cried a little while reading it is quite dark but very beautiful. I don't have much to say as I am not very good at this yet but there is a stanza that seems a little out of place. The 4th stanza follows an ABCB while the other stanzas follow an ABAB rhyme scheme. it did not ruin the poem for me but it did stand out. Otherwise I think your grammar and poem length is good. I also really liked how the theme could really be made into what you felt like it could be not something set in stone. Overall I really liked the poem and the words really moved me.
Oh my goodness! It's been a while since I logged on so this is the first time I'm reading your review- sorry! But wow I've never really had someone react strongly to my works so this really surprised me. And in the 4th stanza its sort of a slant rhyme with sight and try. I really, really appreciate your review! Thank you so much!
Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, an honest reviewer. I have arrived to offer my opinion on this poem, which still remains under-reviewed for whatever reason.
What I liked about this poem was that it was slightly longer than the average poem I have read on this site, but does not overstay its welcome. It discusses the themes you are persistent on sharing with us, i.e. loss, depression and perhaps the end of youth, with the references to staggering in the penultimate stanza. I also get the feeling of death in your poem, which is a theme employed subtly. Grammatically, there is nothing in particular that offends me.
However, you really stick to these themes to the bitter end, and at the end of the poem, I do not feel enriched but really down. I am no stranger to the more depressing or darker art forms, but this poem- in my opinion- is too miserable to extract enjoyment from it. By all means it is a good poem, but it isn't an enjoyable poem.
Maybe if I reread it another time I will find more to enjoy, but it didn't play to my personal tastes.
Yes, this is actually one of my more darker poems. But I'm glad you reviewed nonetheless! I appreciate it!
hey, nice poem
first of all i love that you have a proper rhyme scheme something which tends to almost always make poems a lot better, you also remembered to have punctuation at almost all you sentences which also help just generally in the way the poem looks. You seem to be following a ABAB rhyme scheme I believe (correct me if I’m wrong please 
) but there are a couple of words that, although they rhyme, don’t really work with the rhythm. For example in stanza 4 lines 2 and 4 well and dwell rhyme but since the entire word well is in dwell I sounds a bit odd, at least to me. Also I’m not sure if sight and to try is supposed to rhyme in stanza 4 if not then its fine, but it might just be forced rhyme which is common in poetry. also so that I don’t only comment on the negatives, you also have some really smart rhymes in here, like Letting go and oh no. like honestly I wouldn’t have thought of that 
but all in all its a pretty good poem, definitely one of the better ones I’ve read on this site. Hope you keep on writing.
And yes i also feel giddy before i post anything on this site haha
Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'll take what you said into consideration. Thanks again!